Humor

Happy 38th Birthday to Dr. Santresa Glass

Dr. Santresa L. Glass

(Photo courtesy of Dr. Santresa L. Glass)

Although you’re hoping that this will be the year I propose to you, don’t hold your breath; that’s never going to happen. Your endless and undesired pursuit of me is becoming, to be frank, frightening. I have repeatedly told you that I have no interest in an intimate relationship with you, but you don’t seem to get it. Some people never learn, though. You will have to settle for fantasizing about me using the limited pictures of me available.

Now that we are clear about those things, hopefully, I want this to be your best year. For the remainder of the year, invest more in yourself, in your dreams and aspirations. Before we can pour into others, we need our cups to be full—and running over—which permits us to give freely. When our cups are running over, this means we have so much to give to others—without taking from what we need. Others have benefited greatly from your giving, your kindness, your thoughtfulness. The time has come for you to show yourself gratitude. You are worth it!

Random note: I hate the Falcons! #RiseDown

So, this very discursive piece is my attempt to let you know I love you and that I’m grateful that God has gifted (and cursed—lol!) me with you for another year. Without question, it’s a blessing (and cursing—lol!) to have you as a best friend. What I love the most about you—besides your wholesomeness—is your ratchetness. And you know how much I love women with a perfect blend of class and ratchetness (i.e. Joseline Hernandez and Keyshia Cole).

Well, get ready for these songs I’m about to sing to you! It’s about to go down! A concert.

As Jack would say, “And now, a song.”

Love ya,

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Dr. Santresa Glass Celebrates 36 Years of Life

Dr. Santresa L. Glass

Happy birthday to one of my best friends, Dr. Santresa Lolita Glass! Yes, I wrote your whole name. And, if you don’t like it, I can revise the previous sentence to include your other names, names that are more apt fits: stalker, for example. Just let me know. On to even more important things, though, I want you to have an excellent birthday; one that is filled with joy, relaxation and peace. With such a great heart, you deserve only the best. Unfortunately, that great heart will never make me desire you—don’t get it twisted sweetie. (I know how much you despise being called “sweetie,” especially from a certain group of people, but that’s another story.)

For the remainder of the year, just breathe, just live.

I’m so fortunate to have you as a best friend. When a person is loved by you, he or she is blessed with authentic love. You love your friends and family genuinely—not for what they can give you or do for you. Always know that your life has tremendous value; it touches, affects and makes the difference for numerous people.

You matter. What you do matters. What you say matters. What you think matters.

Too often, people take for granted the ability to be a true friend. This ability is a gift from Jesus. Having a real friend is a gift from God, and being able to be a real friend is a gift from God. No matter what anyone says, know that you possess the gift of friendship—in both forms.

As I continue to live this wonderful life in Christ Jesus, I learn that the untrustworthy and selfish people in my life will inevitably be exposed. Just recently, I discovered someone I long supported, devoted time and energy to, and loved demonstrated pure selfishness and deceit. With you, San, I never have to concern myself with such foolishness. You’re never thinking about how you can take advantage of someone to fulfill your selfish longings.

Thank you for being a giver. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being selfless. Thank you for being my friend.

Well, I’ve wasted enough of my day on you—valuable time that I’ll never be able to redeem. You’re not that special to consume so much of my time. Duh!

Understand that I’ll never want you—no matter how many creative advances you try to make—I’ll never desire you. You’re simply obsessed with me and, at this point, it has become really pathetic.

Anyway, have the best birthday ever and know that I love you—not like you want—but with the love one of the best friends in the world deserves!

P.S. Although I will not have time today to give you a live concert, just know in the days to come you will be blessed with the gift of mellifluous, yoke-destroying, harmonious, and chart-topping song.

Love ya,

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels (your wildest fantasy)

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Red Eye on the Fox News Channel

If you a person who stays up really late, you might really enjoy watching Red Eye with host Greg Gutfeld at 3 a.m. eastern standard time on weekdays. Now, I know you might say that you are usually knocked out sleep at that time, but if you happen to be up at that time for some reason check it out. Greg Gutfeld always leads a diverse panel of people who talk about virtually everything, even serious issues, in a very funny and satirical way. One thing you can count on from this show is you will be laughing. If you don’t stay up that late, then Tivo or DVR this show—it will not disappoint you.

For those who take life too seriously, you will really benefit from the laughter this show will provide for you.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

The Protein Shake Struggle

While this is probably the least serious piece I have ever composed, I thought that I would share my horrible experience today with you. For those of you who drink protein shakes, I know you can understand that these phenomena are quite horrible. Although this is not my first day drinking a protein shake, I had the most difficult time getting this protein shake down today. I tried everything that I could do today to get this protein shake down and finally did! It took me from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. to get this protein shake down!

It is quite amazing the phenomena we are willing to do to keep our bodies in great condition. I have to drink one more of these shakes tonight and hope that I do not have the same struggle that I experienced early today. I know my reader is wondering why I am wasting time composing such an article, but it has a larger significance: It causes everyone to think about the phenomena that they consume and how he or she cares for his or her health.

We have to become more conscious about taking care of our bodies. Although I am having fun with my struggle with drinking my protein shake today, I understand how important it is to helping me to achieve the physique I desire. I am making tremendous progress toward my goal of achieving a highly muscular body and being in tremendous shape and health. I have discovered that what is most critical to moving toward great health is having the mental commitment to achieving great health. Once the individual makes up in his or her mind that he or she is going to have great health, then he or she will do what it takes to accomplish this feat.

I hope this article will help those of you struggling with protein shakes to be better able to drink them after reading this article. If it does not, I hope that it will add some level of comfort that you are doing an essential deed by drinking the protein shake. It is my desire that companies will begin to make protein shakes that are better tasting, while not sacrificing the effectiveness of the shake. My deepest support is with all of you protein shake drinkers!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison