Month: February 2012

Social Media and Cowardice

If you really believe in what you have to say about a person, then why use social media to communicate a message to him or her, especially if you have the person’s home address, email address, and/or telephone number?  Because many people lack the courage to confront people directly, social media becomes vehicles for articulating their messages.  What’s disconcerting about this increasing phenomenon is more people believe that Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, blogs, and etc. are the proper mediums to solve conflicts.  Why not just pick up a telephone?  One has to wonder, however, if people just enjoy resolving conflicts through public spaces like Facebook and Twitter to attract more attention to themselves.  When you think about it, resolving conflicts at someone’s home, through email, and/or over the telephone is too private for those who desire to find any way possible to get more attention drawn to themselves.

Now, if you have already directly addressed your problems with someone and that person does not try to work with you to solve those problems, then it may be appropriate to express how you feel in general about a problem you have with someone in an indirect manner to keep you from fighting the person.  If you have an established reputation of letting people know in their faces (without any hesitation) how you feel about an issue or problem when one arises, then it may be appropriate to make an indirect comment on Facebook or Twitter about the problem or issue.

Cowardice occurs through social media when a person never has addressed his or her problems with someone directly.

Some people think you’re not smart enough to know when they’re sending subliminal messages to you.  They think they’re getting over on you and affecting you.  However, what they don’t understand is the reason that you’ve not responded to them directly and/or punched them in the mouth is you see them as lightweights, are trying to not destroy their world for their sake and their family’s sake, and/or wish not to cause a major scene.

When people always have to promulgate indirect messages, you can tell they’re struggling with deep insecurities and self-esteem problems.  Why else would they always express themselves through indirect messages?

In the time you invested in composing an indirect message, you could have already communicated a direct message by picking up a telephone?  Why waste time?  Go ahead and be honest—it’s not really about the indirect message you’re attempting to send to someone, but it’s more about you needing to deal with things you’re stowing on the inside of you that need to be eliminated.

You have to be careful about communicating indirect messages to someone through social media because that person could respond with a direct message to you that could surely shake up your world forever.

For every move there is a counter.

Don’t let your weak indirect messages end up causing you a lifetime of misery.  You have to resolve how much you’re willing to lose when you publish tweets, statuses, and posts.

Don’t be a coward—say what you have to say to someone directly to him or her!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Burn Some Bridges

It has often been passed down from one generation to the next the belief that one should not burn bridges because once you burn bridges you can no longer cross them.  While this is good advice in general, there are some bridges you need to burn.  As many of us know, the word bridges is often used metaphorically to refer to people who have and/or can benefit you.  If you’re a principled person, then you’re not going to stay beholden to a person who has done you wrong, even if that person offers you great benefits and has a strong network of connections to extend to you.  When someone, including a parent or grandparent, wants you stay on the good side of someone just because of the benefits he or she can and/or do offer you, then you need to let that person know that you’re not willing to sacrifice your principle and who you really are just to keep getting benefits from a person.  Your parents and grandparents are not important enough to allow them to sacrifice your principles and character.

While one should not feel like he or she cannot obtain good advice from people, this does not mean all “good advice” is right for you.  Sometimes “good advice” is right for many people but it may not be right for you.  People who are perceived to be good for everyone they are around may not be good for you.

Always do what’s best for you.  Always be willing to disassociate from anyone who does not inspire the best in you.

If someone constantly weighs you down, then this person is not good for you, even if this person has some positive benefits to offer you.  You have to understand that the people around you can offer you positive benefits, but you must seriously weigh and consider the costs of those benefits.  Are those benefits more costly than they are positive?

Do you continue to associate with some people just because you don’t think you can make it without them?  If so, how important is being a principled person to you?  You cannot be a truly principled person when you’re willing to do anything to stay on the “good side” of people to keep reaping benefits from them.

Are you willing to do anything to keep your employer happy?  Are you willing to deny who you are to keep your job?  If you are, never claim to be a leader and one who keeps it real.

Some “wisdom,” not all, that has been passed down from your parents and grandparents is not an apt fit for our postmodern epoch and, more importantly, it’s not wisdom at all for you and who you really are.

In no way does this piece assert that you need to walk around and pretend that you don’t need anyone.  This piece also does not contend that you should go around severing ties with people without a clearly defined purpose.  However, don’t let “good advice” and people own you.  This article seeks to communicate a great concern with the “wisdom” of “don’t burn bridges.”  If people don’t apply the wisdom of this concept appropriately, then it can turn them into slaves of ideas, people, and organizations.  If a bridge will easily collapse on you, then you don’t need to remain on and around that bridge anyway.  Surround yourself with bridges that will be there to support you even when things are going tough.

Burn those bridges that are not dependable and that are mere illusions of bridges.

Of course, don’t forget the bridges that brought you over.  This piece wants you not to forget them for a reason that is not traditionally passed down to you:  Don’t forget those bridges because you need to assess the past and present ones so that you know which ones to burn, which ones to keep, and which ones to never cross in the future.

Never let anything and anybody stand between you and your principles, even if it’s a “bridge.”

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison