Advice

A Closer Look at the Adoption Process For Birth Mothers

Adoption

When a woman has an unplanned pregnancy, she has options, including placing her baby in an adoptive home. While an unplanned pregnancy might seem devastating for a woman, the newborn child can become a wonderful gift for someone else. In the past, adoption was a secretive process, and an unplanned pregnancy by a single woman was considered shameful, but today, most people are more open about unwed pregnancies by single women, and this means that there are more adoptive options. The adoption process involves several stages—from the initial decision to post-delivery care.

Birth Mothers Can Make More Decisions For a Child Before the Adoption

A birth mother can make more decisions about her baby, including helping to choose the adoptive parents. In some cases, she might select an open adoption that includes meeting the adoptive parents or receiving information about her child. Alternatively, a birth mother can decide to have a private adoption, or she might not want to meet the child until he or she is an adult.

Birth Mothers Can Receive Money For Medical and Living Expenses

When a woman wants to place a baby in an adoptive home, the adoptive parents can pay for her living, medical, and legal expenses. The regulations concerning these expenses differ in each geographic region, and if the birth mother changes her mind, then the adoptive parents are often not reimbursed.

Birth Mothers May Need to Contact the Biological Father

In some regions, a biological father has the right to care for his child, so the birth mother must provide information about the father before an infant is available for adoption. By having the correct information and release forms from the biological father, a woman can place her child in an adoptive home legally.

Birth Mothers Cannot Reclaim a Child Later

Protocols are in place so that a birth mother cannot reclaim a child later. The amount of time for reversing the decision to relinquish a child to adoption varies, but in most cases, it is only a few weeks. This ensures that the infant receives the best care, so it is important for a birth mother to understand this regulation.

The Birth Mother Isn’t Involved in the Child’s Upbringing

In many cases, a birth mother isn’t involved in the child’s upbringing after he or she is placed for adoption, and this includes open adoption situations. If an adoptive couple decides to divorce, change religions, or move to a new location, the birth mother cannot stop these events.

A Birth Mother Doesn’t Need to Pay an Attorney or Adoption Agency

The process of adoption is expensive, but the adoptive parent or couple is responsible for the fees. This makes it easier for a woman with an unplanned pregnancy to place her baby for adoption. The agencies and attorneys arranging the adoptions can charge thousands of dollars in fees, but the birth mother doesn’t receive payment for placing a child for adoption.

Birth Mothers Can Use Private or Public Adoption Agencies

A woman who wants to place a baby into an adoptive home can choose a public adoption or a private adoption. A public agency is an agency operated by the government; a private adoption process is planned by an attorney. Also, religious-based adoption agencies exist that will place an infant in a home where the parents are committed to a certain faith.

The Adoption Process Is More Respectful Than in the Past

Today, when a birth mother wants to place her child in an adoptive home, she is treated with respect instead of being treated as if she is doing something shameful. Birth mothers are also taken care of after the adoption process ends with professional medical care and psychological counseling. An adoption agency or attorney will make sure that the birth mother is able to continue living her life in a healthy and safe manner.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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How Domestic Violence is Threatening Family Life in America

Domestic Violence

Toxic relationships can affect all of us. Sometimes toxic relationships can escalate into something violent. Domestic violence is one of the most prevalent family crimes in the world. While statistics vary in different countries, every country in the world battles with high rates of this horrible blight on humanity. Based on statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the prevalence of domestic violence in America is staggering.

Domestic Violence Statistics

Annually, more than 10 million Americans are victims of domestic violence. One out of every three women and one out of every four men have been victims of domestic violence in their lifetime. The numbers are even more startling when you look at the statistics per minute. On average, 20 Americans are victims of domestic violence per minute. That means in a day 28,800 Americans are battered. Out of this number, over 20,000 of them reach out to local abuse hotlines across the country every day.

In a country with so many freedoms, it is astounding to see so many people perpetrate crimes of imprisonment and abuse against others. Unfortunately, every American knows several victims of these crimes. Sadly, many people fail to see the signs until it’s too late to stop the heavy toll it can take on victims and their families.

Because of the increasing prevalence of domestic violence, it is imperative that victims understand their rights. It should always be understood that no person is entitled to a relationship with another person and no one is entitled to treat another person as a slave or property. 

The Toll of Domestic Violence

When domestic abuse enters a family, it can adversely affect everyone in the home and can become fatal for the victim(s) if not addressed expeditiously. Women are the primary victims of domestic violence and are often victims of stalking. In fact, one in seven women in America are victims of intimate partner stalking in their lifetime. If these issues arise, it is essential to seek safety to take care of your family. Even the accusation of abuse can be damaging to a family, causing families to split apart. The best advice for anyone, including the accused and accuser, is to follow the guidance of an attorney. Domestic violence attorneys understand the law and criminal justice system.

It should be noted that most abusers will try to excuse and deny their behavior. Because of this, it is vital to realize this is all part of their attempts to continue to dominate and control you. Once the safety and security of your family has been established, domestic abuse victim advocates and attorneys can work with you to ensure the necessary proceedings are handled to cut ties with the abuser safely and legally.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Are You Experiencing Discrimination at Work? Signs and What to Do about It

Workplace Discrimination

When one experiences workplace discrimination, it can be disheartening. For the victim, lost income, reduced work productivity and dissatisfaction, isolation, stress, and unemployment or underemployment often result. Places where workplace discrimination occurs frequently suffer from low employee morale, high turnover, and unfavorable productivity. Since work is an important part of true inclusion in our society, one must highlight how workplace discrimination divides and marginalizes people, both as individuals and groups.

What is Illegal Workplace Discrimination?

To count as discrimination in the legal sense, actions must violate legal protections. All U.S. workers are protected by federal law, which specifically forbids discrimination based on color, national origin, race, religion, sex, mental or physical disability, genetic information, pregnancy, or parenthood.

State laws also protect workers from discrimination based on those characteristics, plus other ones enacted by state legislatures. For example, many states have laws forbidding discrimination based on sexual orientation. Also, many cities have laws that specifically prohibit other forms of workplace discrimination.

What are the Signs of Workplace Discrimination?

Signs of workplace discrimination may be overt and/or subtle. For example, a boss directly hinging a promotion on sexual favors would be overt sexual discrimination and harassment. A boss hinting about sexual favors and then claiming an employee who didn’t respond has poor work performance would be a more subtle form of sexual discrimination and harassment.

While overt signs of workplace discrimination are clear, subtle signs often start with small phenomena and then increase over time, frequently engendering a hostile and unhealthy atmosphere. Subtle signs often reveal themselves as patterns. For example, a male employee may make increasingly offensive comments about a female coworker after she refused to date him. The comments may begin as ones open to interpretation, but, over time, the harasser continues the pattern while his comments grow increasingly offensive, which constitutes a clear case of sexual harassment.

Signs of workplace discrimination often manifest themselves in adverse actions taken against an employee. Adverse actions include disciplinary action, failure to promote, demotion, unlawful retaliation, failure to accommodate protected leave, and wrongful termination. Because of equal opportunity employment safeguards, when an adverse action is taken on the basis of a protected characteristic, bad actors usually try to camouflage their discriminatory conduct by claiming a pretext for the adverse action.

A manager, for example, may refuse to promote a woman who earned a higher position because he thinks women are inferior leaders, which violates the law. To cover his tracks, he may give her an unjustified poor performance review and then use it as a pretext to deny the promotion. An adverse action paired with a pretext is a conspicuous sign of discrimination.

What Should Discrimination Victims Do about It?

Though a natural fear of rocking the proverbial boat can emerge, discrimination victims should contact their organization’s human resources department or a company manager. Once the employee has notified the human resources director, the company becomes obligated to investigate and correct any illegal discrimination. In many organizations, this solves the problem; in others, unfortunately, it yields no real change. Human resources departments are to intervene in ways that protect victims and rectify their problems.

In other organizations, investigations may favor the harasser because of power dynamics, politics, and other reasons. In this case, victims should consult an employment lawyer immediately. An employment attorney can inform victims about options available.

Victims of discrimination can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and/or their state’s Department of Human Rights. These agencies will investigate and attempt to settle the matter. If the matter cannot be settled by the agencies, victims can file a lawsuit in state or federal court.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Resources Consulted

The Balance

Law Offices of Jeremy Pasternak

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

The American Association of University Women

The Nest

What You Need to Know When Going Back to School as an Adult

Working Adult College Students

It’s never too late to obtain a degree, but going back to school as an adult can be difficult. As an adult, you may have many other responsibilities that your (much younger) fellow students don’t have, such as a full-time job, career or parenting responsibilities. Even if you can devote yourself entirely to being a full-time student, you may still feel like a duck out of the water. Whether you’re jumping into a four-year degree program, or you think it might be a good idea to take some online classes. Here are three things you need to know when going back to school as an adult.

Talk to an Advisor before Registering or Enrolling

As an adult, your educational needs will most likely be strictly academic rather than both academic and social. While an incoming college first-year student might benefit from living on campus and staying at one school for all four years, your best option might be to take online classes at a community college before enrolling at a four-year institution. Speaking with a college admissions counselor may help.

Also, Collegewise counselors are passionate about “creating customized plans and setting deadlines to ensure that students complete their applications and essays thoughtfully, effectively, and early.” 

You May be Exempt from Some Classes Based on Experience

Adults have the benefit of work experience that most first-year college students do not possess. Another way college admissions counseling can help you is in determining if any of your applicable work experience might exempt you from having to take certain classes. The fewer classes you have to take, the sooner you can obtain your degree and the less that degree will cost you.

It’s Going to be a Big Change

Working adults who become college students must alter the lifestyles. How often do you need to take your work home? If often, then you may find it difficult to set aside time for research and homework after you arrive home from work. Although it may seem unmanageable to work a full-time job and attend college, you can manage both. With careful time management and dedicated preparation, you can do it. Think of the goal at the end to keep yourself in high spirits, and try to enjoy the shift in the atmosphere of the classroom versus the workplace.

Remember, receiving academic advising from an experienced higher education professional is critical to a first-time student’s success. While effective college admissions counseling isn’t the sexiest topic, it can make the difference between satisfying college experience and an unsatisfying one.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

How the Choices You Make Can Turn Your World Upside Down

Consequences of Choices

Choices have consequences; therefore, think before you act. The decisions a person makes can have a positive or negative outcome. Either way, it’s wise to select the right choices so you can be sure you’re on the right path. Here are some reasons why you should think before you act.

Committing a Crime

It might be intensely entertaining to watch someone commit a crime in a movie. The criminal seems brave and daring with a horrible attitude. Remember it is acting, thus stimulating your imagination, not reality. In your everyday, real life, committing a crime can change your life. You could go to jail or even prison. Legal action may be required, and you might need an attorney to represent you. Make intelligent decisions to avoid criminal activity.

Have quality friends, friends devoted to engaging in productive phenomena. Really cogitate about how your friends and family would feel about your poor choices. Would they be ashamed or feel sad that you ruined your life? Think about how the consequences of your actions could affect other people.

Severe Punishment

Spending even a small amount of time in jail isn’t in any way easy. Prison time can prove so trying, so mind-altering that an individual can decide to continue violating the law even after returning to civil society. Another prisoner may have learned a harsh lesson and choose to become more spiritual.

Even if you aren’t arrested, committing a crime can change your life. Your conscience will bother you whether you notice it or not. It could manifest itself in ways you don’t see. It could even lead to self-destruction: you possibly falling prey to alcoholism, substance abuse or worse.

Losing Everything

As if being in jail or prison isn’t awful enough, you’re friends and family could sever communication with you. Most people don’t want to communicate and hang around unsavory individuals. Law-abiding people don’t particularly enjoy tolerating someone with malevolent intentions. When you intentionally engage in pernicious activities, one practical reality is you can (and inevitably will) lose your job. Failing to reform your behavior, therefore, might just leave you broke, busted and disgusted.

Is that all you want for your life? Hopefully not.  

If you have problems with self-control, you might want to see a trusted therapist. Learn to love yourself because that’s who you’ll be hurting the most in the end.

Educate yourself on moral and ethical conduct by reading books and attending classes that offer sound advice and instruction on ordering your life in ways reflective of authentic love, truth, and justice. 

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Resources Consulted

Law Offices of Jeff C. Kennedy

Sam Silverstein

Thought Catalog

Pick the Brain

 

Eliminating Toxic Relationships: Banishing Takers

Relationship Problems

(Photo Credit: Sandra Henderson)

Toxic relationships are harmful to your health and life. When you’re continuously giving to someone, and hardly ever receiving from him or her, that’s a toxic relationship; that’s a toxic imbalance. A person like this is a “Taker,” an individual who only values what he or she can receive from you. Takers don’t care about what’s going on in your life and what you may need; they’re only interested in how you can serve them. Mark the “Takers” in your life and flee from them.

Wise Up! You’re Being Robbed

While these Takers, these leeches are robbing you of your time, energy, money, health, and more, they’re progressing in life; however, you’re remaining stagnant or regressing. Are you investing so much in a person that you’re not passionately pursuing your own dreams and aspirations? Have you lost so much time, so much energy, so much of yourself investing in selfish people? Face the facts: They’re robbing you, and you’re letting them do it. Release yourself from the prison of Takers.

Takers Will Question Your Character and Commitment

When you finally release yourself from this carceral bondage, Takers will question your character, deceptively asserting that you’re not a good person because you’re no longer going to let them rob you of your value. Also, they will attempt to characterize you as selfish—as not having a true commitment to helping people. Well, you carried their butts for years and made them who they are today, so they know that isn’t true.

Because Takers are full of wicked pride and have fragile egos and self-esteem, you can shut them up by candidly letting them know that you made them. Yes, let them know you made them. You owe it to yourself, considering you gave so much to them over the years, to claim what you made, what you built: them. Since they don’t want to give you proper credit, and act as if they just arrived at their current station in life on their own, help to disabuse them of their self-delusions, their falsehoods: boldly tell them you made them, you built them. After you do this, they will not bother you much longer. Why? Because they’re exposed.

Invest in Yourself

A person who really knows his or her value and who really loves himself or herself will seriously invest in himself or herself. Don’t let no one and nothing keep you from living your best life, a life where you’re operating deftly and zealously—without any shackles—in your vocation. Spend the remainder of your life being the best version of you. This, of course, does not mean for you to become a selfish person; however, it does mean devote essential attention to your dreams and aspirations.

Conclusion: Seize the Day

If you’ve never read Robert Herrick’s poem “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time,” a classic carpe diem, a Latin aphorism typically translated as “seize the day,” poem urging people to make the most of the present moment, then please read it immediately. Herrick understands that humans have no time to waste. Stop wasting your time on selfish people. Love yourself enough to invest in yourself.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud: Summary

Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud

(Photo Credit: Amazon)

In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud devotes his dominant attention to endings and why it’s vital to terminate certain relationships sometimes. Cloud posits that one’s success depends on how well he or she is able to end specific relationships, and his or her dreams cannot be realized without discontinuing relationships that hinder progress. The author does not give the reader a false impression that endings are easy; he asserts that they are quite difficult. Cloud uses the majority of the pages of the work to offer advice about how to employ endings to one’s advantage.

For Cloud, he finds that humans demonstrate a strong willingness to cope with phenomena that cause them discomfort. He, however, advocates for eliminating unnecessary waste and baggage that we often continue to maintain. A failure to disconnect from troubling waste and baggage prevents one from experiencing life to its fullest.

The book asserts that endings are purposeful and necessary. Cloud explains that one of the most inspiring lessons learned from endings is that we can transcend them, that we can experience tremendous growth on the other side of them. For example, if we are involved in an unproductive relationship—whether a business or personal one—we’re causing ourselves to be in decline. Such a relationship, Cloud argues, can become so a part of us that we think it’s normal to keep it. One cannot truly experience greatness without permitting the unfruitful to end.

Henry Cloud contends that in our personal and business relationships we need to find opportunities to engage in pruning; that is, cutting, trimming those phenomena that have become bloated in our lives. When pruning and endings become natural and welcomed dimensions of our lives, we develop into more successful individuals.

Let a sense of dissatisfaction engender an urgency to end an unnecessary personal or business relationship. One often has to face the reality that he or she will have to be the one who directly cuts the metaphorical umbilical cord to unproductive relationships.

When ending relationships with people, make it clear that those relationships are ending. Don’t dread the conversation involved in ending a relationship; think carefully about what one will say before this conversation occurs. Visualize the conversation and establish clear objectives and desired outcomes.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison