The people who I enjoy hanging around and being friends with are the individuals who do not mind being themselves at all times. It is such a challenge to find people who will stay true to themselves. I find it to be a serious weakness for people to change who they are just to fit in with certain groups. One of the greatest problems that I have with men, particularly African-American men, is they will lose their true identities just to fit in with other African-American men, and to put on images that they think are going to attract women, specifically African-American women.
I see Black guys everyday and everywhere I have been who you can tell that they are just putting on false images, because when you really get to know who these African-American men are, they are really not the same people who they project to be in the public. For example, a have the misfortune to know guys who will strive each day to have sex with as many women as possible just to be called “a mack,” “player,” “pimp,” or other stupid labels. For many of these guys, their ability to have sex and get as many women as possible determines their view of their success and how well phenomena are going in their lives.
These Black men will do anything—even give up their true selves—just to make sure that no one is going to call them “gay.” I want to take an opportunity right now to tell you how stupid you are for allowing people to have such control over you like that. You are doing stupid phenomena just to make sure that no one is going to call you gay. No matter how “hard” you strive to be, and no matter how many women you have sex with, there is going to be somebody who calls you gay. If you were really worth anything, and were your own person, then you would not worry about what someone is calling you.
I just wanted to take a moment out of my busy schedule to articulate a message to men, particularly Black men, about how many of them are not allowing themselves to live a real life. While many of you are trying to be so “hard,” you are wasting time that you could be investing in phenomena that are going to make you truly successful. Having sex with numerous women is not going to do anything for you but give you HIV/AIDS! It is my hope that you will ameliorate the way in which you carry yourself and become the real person who you really would love to be. I will continue to write and speak about this issue until I see significant change take place in Black men across the nation.
Antonio Maurice Daniels
University of Wisconsin-Madison