In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud devotes his dominant attention to endings and why it’s vital to terminate certain relationships sometimes. Cloud posits that one’s success depends on how well he or she is able to end specific relationships, and his or her dreams cannot be realized without discontinuing relationships that hinder progress. The author does not give the reader a false impression that endings are easy; he asserts that they are quite difficult. Cloud uses the majority of the pages of the work to offer advice about how to employ endings to one’s advantage.
For Cloud, he finds that humans demonstrate a strong willingness to cope with phenomena that cause them discomfort. He, however, advocates for eliminating unnecessary waste and baggage that we often continue to maintain. A failure to disconnect from troubling waste and baggage prevents one from experiencing life to its fullest.
The book asserts that endings are purposeful and necessary. Cloud explains that one of the most inspiring lessons learned from endings is that we can transcend them, that we can experience tremendous growth on the other side of them. For example, if we are involved in an unproductive relationship—whether a business or personal one—we’re causing ourselves to be in decline. Such a relationship, Cloud argues, can become so a part of us that we think it’s normal to keep it. One cannot truly experience greatness without permitting the unfruitful to end.
Henry Cloud contends that in our personal and business relationships we need to find opportunities to engage in pruning; that is, cutting, trimming those phenomena that have become bloated in our lives. When pruning and endings become natural and welcomed dimensions of our lives, we develop into more successful individuals.
Let a sense of dissatisfaction engender an urgency to end an unnecessary personal or business relationship. One often has to face the reality that he or she will have to be the one who directly cuts the metaphorical umbilical cord to unproductive relationships.
When ending relationships with people, make it clear that those relationships are ending. Don’t dread the conversation involved in ending a relationship; think carefully about what one will say before this conversation occurs. Visualize the conversation and establish clear objectives and desired outcomes.
Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels
University of Wisconsin-Madison