Honor Second Chances With Your Ex

If you messed up with someone you once was in a serious relationship with and he or she gives you another chance, then you certainly should not revert to doing the same things that caused the person to break up with you the first time you were in a relationship.  You cannot argue about the person needs to trust you when you’re doing the same things that ended your previous relationship with him or her.  Yes, if your ex has agreed to take you back, then he or she should be willing to trust you again and not immediately start accusing you of wrongdoing.  However, you cannot engage in the same practices that resulted in the termination of your first relationship with him or her.  If you do, then it’s justified for him or her to question you about potential wrongdoing(s).

For instance, if the reason your ex broke up with you in the past was you cheated on him or her, then you would not want to be in the bed with him or her at 3:00 a.m. texting.  This is completely unacceptable.  If the reason why your ex broke up with was you were spending the majority of your time with your friends and not enough with him or her, you might not want to make that same mistake again.  It already takes a significant amount of courage for your ex to take you back after you have done something wrong for him or her to break up with you in the past, so you have to be very considerate about the things you do during your newly established relationship.  Avoid giving your partner even the slightest impression that you’re involved in wrongdoing.

Open and frank communication is mandatory to establishing and maintaining a successful relationship.  Many of the phenomena that couples fuss about would never evolve into problems if they would establish open and frank communication.

If you want your newly formed relationship with your ex to have a chance to succeed, you also need to avoid telling him or her lies.  You need to tell your partner the truth even when it seems like telling the truth is impossible.  Please don’t lie about small things.  If you have to lie about small things, then your partner will have a difficult time trusting anything you say and do.  Of course, without trust your relationship will end quickly.

Focus on the positive things that led you and your partner to reunite.  Far too often, we concentrate primarily on the negative and not enough on the positive.  Now, if there are not enough positive things for you and your partner to focus on, then just save yourselves a whole lot of trouble and don’t reunite.  Your relationship will be doomed from the beginning if you don’t have enough positive things to concentrate on.

Before you make an attempt to reunite with your ex, be sure that you’re mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared.  It can be a beautiful thing to reunite with your ex, and it can be an ugly thing to reunite with your ex when you’re not prepared to do so.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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13 comments

  1. Tony, as always your post are insightful and at best honest. As you stated “open and frank communication is mandatory” in ANY relationship, yet alone one that is looking to come together again in companionship. Time encompasses a range of emotions and if nothing else should allow each individual an opportunity to work on themselves, for themselves. Then the ‘preparation’ that you mentioned above will undoubtedly lead to a stronger relationship than previously was. Thank you for sharing with us.

    1. Thanks, San! Yes, in any relationship open and frank communication is mandatory. Many people just don’t get how vital it is. On many relationships blogs, I will see bloggers who write about how important communication is in a relationship (usually they are writing about intimate relationships), but they never provide any substantive discussion about what effective communication looks like and examples of effective communication. Therefore, their readers get a positive message but don’t come away with any understanding about how to put the discussed effective communication into practice. Soon, I will be writing a post on this site that provides examples of effective communication in a relationship and offers clarity about what effective communication looks like in practice. Having open and frank communication when one is fortunate enough to establish a relationship again with his or her ex becomes even more essential. Yes, people must be prepared for the challenges of reuniting with their ex. They should, however, look at the many positive rewards and outcomes that could emerge from a successful reunion with their ex. Thanks for being a loyal reader and your response.

    1. Yes, sometimes people are better as friends than they are in an intimate relationship with one another. Although sex is good, when it is involved, it can complicate matters and turn people from not even being able to be friends into bitter enemies.

    2. Drew, I have beef witchu! What happened to your damn blog and updating it! I’ve been searching for you all over the damn interwebs….

    1. I agree very much. Both individuals have to be sure that they are ready to give one another chance again. I think it’s important for both individuals to make a true commitment to starting a “new” relationship.

  2. I’m not a fan of going backwards, but it I was the person will most certain have to not go back to the “usual” behaviour, because that would cause the relationship to end.

    Communication is key..in EVERY aspect of the relationship!!

    Great post!

    1. I’m not a fan of going backwards neither. However, one should never shut his or her mind off to considering reuniting with an ex, especially if all of the problems have been worked out prior to starting the new relationship. Communication is definitely key. Frank and open communication in all aspects of a relationship is necessary for that relationship to be successful. I’m glad you liked this piece!

  3. Relationships must be given enough time by both couple so that it can grow, flourished, and last a lifetime. Couple should fixed problems right away so that it will not blow into heated arguments. Nice tip I read today.

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