Second Chances

Honor Second Chances With Your Ex

If you messed up with someone you once was in a serious relationship with and he or she gives you another chance, then you certainly should not revert to doing the same things that caused the person to break up with you the first time you were in a relationship.  You cannot argue about the person needs to trust you when you’re doing the same things that ended your previous relationship with him or her.  Yes, if your ex has agreed to take you back, then he or she should be willing to trust you again and not immediately start accusing you of wrongdoing.  However, you cannot engage in the same practices that resulted in the termination of your first relationship with him or her.  If you do, then it’s justified for him or her to question you about potential wrongdoing(s).

For instance, if the reason your ex broke up with you in the past was you cheated on him or her, then you would not want to be in the bed with him or her at 3:00 a.m. texting.  This is completely unacceptable.  If the reason why your ex broke up with was you were spending the majority of your time with your friends and not enough with him or her, you might not want to make that same mistake again.  It already takes a significant amount of courage for your ex to take you back after you have done something wrong for him or her to break up with you in the past, so you have to be very considerate about the things you do during your newly established relationship.  Avoid giving your partner even the slightest impression that you’re involved in wrongdoing.

Open and frank communication is mandatory to establishing and maintaining a successful relationship.  Many of the phenomena that couples fuss about would never evolve into problems if they would establish open and frank communication.

If you want your newly formed relationship with your ex to have a chance to succeed, you also need to avoid telling him or her lies.  You need to tell your partner the truth even when it seems like telling the truth is impossible.  Please don’t lie about small things.  If you have to lie about small things, then your partner will have a difficult time trusting anything you say and do.  Of course, without trust your relationship will end quickly.

Focus on the positive things that led you and your partner to reunite.  Far too often, we concentrate primarily on the negative and not enough on the positive.  Now, if there are not enough positive things for you and your partner to focus on, then just save yourselves a whole lot of trouble and don’t reunite.  Your relationship will be doomed from the beginning if you don’t have enough positive things to concentrate on.

Before you make an attempt to reunite with your ex, be sure that you’re mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared.  It can be a beautiful thing to reunite with your ex, and it can be an ugly thing to reunite with your ex when you’re not prepared to do so.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Rekindling Old Flames

You should always be open to the possibility of reuniting with someone you’ve had a relationship with in the past.  Now, in no way does this piece argue that you should always get back involved with your past loves, but it does contend that you should not close your mind to considering getting back together with any of your past loves.  Of course, if you are currently married or in a relationship with someone right now, this article is not addressed to you.  This article is focused on those who are single.  Never close your mind to an opportunity to give someone a second chance, and never close your mind to giving yourself a second chance to be loved.

People can change.  The conditions and circumstances present when you were together can and do change.  When you were once with a past love, the person could have been too immature for you or you may not have been compatible at the time.  However, we all know that time brings about a change.  A possibility exists that you could be more compatible with the person now and he or she be more mature now.

Since you’ve been apart from the person, you may have grown too.  You may have worked out some inner and outer things that make you a better fit for the person.  Your views and evaluations of the person may have changed, considering time offers you an opportunity in all areas of your life to grow.  Things that were such serious problems at the time you were with the person may be insignificant to you now.

Time may have afforded you an opportunity to focus on the value of a past relationship and caused you to realize that you missed the real meaning, purpose, and significance of the relationship because you were too focused on the wrong thing(s).  After you’ve had some relationships with other people, you may have learned that your past loves are not as horrible as you once thought.  Time may have provided you with an opportunity to realize that you’re still in love with someone and never have stopped loving them.  Your pride may have prevented you from expressing your love to them, considering they may have hurt you so deeply in the past.  Your pride can also cause you to try to bury your true feelings and love for a person.  Don’t let your pride keep you from rekindling love.

Now, if you know that a person has not changed, and you know that you’re still not compatible with a person, then please don’t waste your time with going down that same failed road.

You can begin the discourse with a past love about the potential of getting back together by just communicating that you want to talk about the potential of reuniting.  Don’t shy away from expressing how you really feel about the person right now, and never be afraid of discussing the positive and negative moments from your past relationship.  If you are to have a successful relationship with the person this time, frank communication is mandatory.  Many relationships fail because people are not willing to have open and frank communication with one another.

Again, this piece does not attempt to communicate that you should get back with your past loves just because you’re single, but it does assert that you should never close your mind to the possibility of considering rekindling a past relationship.  True critical thinkers are always open to consider anything.  This does not mean that you have to act on everything you consider—you shouldn’t.

You may never know what the power of renewing a love with a past love can do for you right now, especially if you completely close your mind to considering it.

Be open.  Consider the possibilities.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison