Trust in Relationships

Honor Second Chances With Your Ex

If you messed up with someone you once was in a serious relationship with and he or she gives you another chance, then you certainly should not revert to doing the same things that caused the person to break up with you the first time you were in a relationship.  You cannot argue about the person needs to trust you when you’re doing the same things that ended your previous relationship with him or her.  Yes, if your ex has agreed to take you back, then he or she should be willing to trust you again and not immediately start accusing you of wrongdoing.  However, you cannot engage in the same practices that resulted in the termination of your first relationship with him or her.  If you do, then it’s justified for him or her to question you about potential wrongdoing(s).

For instance, if the reason your ex broke up with you in the past was you cheated on him or her, then you would not want to be in the bed with him or her at 3:00 a.m. texting.  This is completely unacceptable.  If the reason why your ex broke up with was you were spending the majority of your time with your friends and not enough with him or her, you might not want to make that same mistake again.  It already takes a significant amount of courage for your ex to take you back after you have done something wrong for him or her to break up with you in the past, so you have to be very considerate about the things you do during your newly established relationship.  Avoid giving your partner even the slightest impression that you’re involved in wrongdoing.

Open and frank communication is mandatory to establishing and maintaining a successful relationship.  Many of the phenomena that couples fuss about would never evolve into problems if they would establish open and frank communication.

If you want your newly formed relationship with your ex to have a chance to succeed, you also need to avoid telling him or her lies.  You need to tell your partner the truth even when it seems like telling the truth is impossible.  Please don’t lie about small things.  If you have to lie about small things, then your partner will have a difficult time trusting anything you say and do.  Of course, without trust your relationship will end quickly.

Focus on the positive things that led you and your partner to reunite.  Far too often, we concentrate primarily on the negative and not enough on the positive.  Now, if there are not enough positive things for you and your partner to focus on, then just save yourselves a whole lot of trouble and don’t reunite.  Your relationship will be doomed from the beginning if you don’t have enough positive things to concentrate on.

Before you make an attempt to reunite with your ex, be sure that you’re mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared.  It can be a beautiful thing to reunite with your ex, and it can be an ugly thing to reunite with your ex when you’re not prepared to do so.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison