Advice

10 Ways to Emancipate Yourself from Mental Slavery
Bob Marley Emancipate Yourself from Mental Slavery

(Photo Credit: Pomeroy Blues)

If you desire to emancipate yourself from mental slavery, then the following is a list of ten ways that will lead you to liberating yourself from mental slavery:

  1. Never be a “people-pleaser.”
  2. Give yourself the freedom to think for yourself.
  3. Never worry about the judgments of others.
  4. Always be yourself.
  5. Benefit from learning from revolutionaries. Observe them directly and/or read about them. Learn what makes/made them distinctive and truly liberated.
  6. Enjoy the beauty of everyday life.
  7. Don’t fall in love with tradition of any kind.
  8. Bloom where you’re planted. Be great and a leader in the areas and gifts you naturally have and/or have worked to obtain.
  9. Read and learn something new every day.
  10. Learn how to see things from the perspectives of others and not just your own perspective.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Your Apology Isn’t Enough
Apology

(Photo Credit: Conscious Manager)

Although you can genuinely forgive a person, some things people do to you require more than a simple apology. Even if the person accepts your apology, this may not always take away the pain of the wrong you have done. When you do certain wrongs to an individual, you need to work to demonstrate to the person you’re truly sorry. Your goal should be to restore that person’s confidence in you again. It can become quite unsatisfying to allow people to do whatever they please to you and then pretend that an apology heals everything.

If you will be honest, you will admit that an apology does not heal everything someone does to you. Yes, forgive everyone for everything he or she does to you. Don’t try to pretend that forgiveness cures the pain of all wrongdoing, however.

Determine in your mind that you’re not going to do things that cause people constant pain.  We all, of course, make mistakes. Unfortunately, we all don’t elect to work tirelessly to repair the damage that our mistakes produce.

You shouldn’t be so self-absorbed that you don’t even realize the harm that you do to others. Wake up and acknowledge the destructive impact of your words and actions. Your actions are not going to improve until your mind experiences a transformation. How you think determines your actions. If you think negatively, then your actions are going to be negative.

Those who have been sincerely hurt by things that people have done have to recognize when people are making efforts to recompense for their transgressions. It’s not healthy for broken people to decide that they’re going to be angry with those who have wronged them for the rest of their lives. When you do this, you share some of the blame for the wrong that was done to you: your unwillingness to make room for healing does not allow change to happen.

Why isn’t an apology always enough, though? The core reason why an apology is often not enough is an apology is frequently just the beginning of the process of your part in helping a person to heal from the pain you have caused. When you accept full responsibility for your wrongs, then you will embrace what needs to be done to restore a person to his or her previous state. You will discover that while you’re helping someone to heal that you can see healing manifest itself in your own life.

Let’s change our mentality that an apology should always be good enough. Let’s change our focus to healing instead just forgiving and apologizing.

Call someone today that you have done wrong and let the person know that you are more than sorry for the wrong that you’ve done to him or her; let him or her know that you plan to participate in his or her healing process. Although you may have originally thought that the person was just being overly sensitive, and he or she may have, the fact is you will be a better person for doing the appropriate things to mend this broken person.

Wouldn’t America and the world truly be better if many broken relationships were repaired?

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Truth Should Never Hurt
Truth

(Photo Credit: Match Stic)

We live a world where far too many people do not embrace truth. Many people love to run from truth and make excuses about it.  When you fail to face truth candidly, directly and willingly, you will find yourself living a life saturated with problems. Most of those problems are self-imposed. One of the fundamental reasons why people feel that truth hurts is it does not change. You should not let it hurt you, however. When you present someone with truth, it will not change simply because he or she is your friend or family member; truth is truth—no matter who does not like or agree with it.

If people would invest more time in working to ameliorate the phenomena truth exposes that are wrong in their lives, then they would have a significantly less antagonistic relationship with truth. Instead of getting angry with someone who provided you with a substantive critique full of truth, accept the revelations of truth to place you on a path to experiencing dramatic progress.  Don’t hate truth-tellers—hate the fact that you’re not a lover of truth.

Those who have serious self-esteem problems or low self-esteem are often individuals who have the most challenging time confronting truth. As a means of avoiding truth, they will engender false identities and realities to attempt to palliate the often unsettling realities of truth.

Learn to accept the things you cannot possibly change and work passionately to change those you can. You have to realize complaining each day is not going to enhance your life.

Too many people love to laud themselves as being “real” and champions of truth. When you are an authentic person and lover of truth, you never have to say this yourself―others will do it. Most of the folks I’ve witnessed presenting themselves as “real” and champions of truth are complete phonies. They use multifarious deceptive characterizations of themselves to try to avert attention from the true toxicity of their facades.

Again, truth should never hurt. If you ever feel that truth hurts, then this indicates that you need to change your relation to truth. A misguided and unhealthy relationship with truth can be destructive. You can live a more liberated and victorious life when you allow truth to reign.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Don’t Invite Disloyalty to Your Doorstep
Disloyalty

(Photo Credit: Bole Gain India)

The waning embracement of loyalty is becoming ever so lucid throughout America.  When you fail to be loyal to your family and friends, you invite disloyalty to your doorstep.  The costs of being loyal are significantly less than the repercussions of being disloyal.  Often those who are disloyal to their family and friends are governed by a spirit of selfishness.  This spirit of selfishness frequently defines those who are disloyal.  Most folks willing to be disloyal will try to make everything about them.  If you, therefore, have friends and family members who attempt to make everything about themselves, then they have great potential to be disloyal to you.

Although it can be quite emotionally painful to have someone you trust be disloyal to you, it can be empowering: You have a chance to learn his or her real name: Enemy.  Once you discover his or her true name, treat the person accordingly.  The discovery of disloyalty will remove the blinders from your eyes about the person.  This will enable you to invest your time in people who genuinely love and support you. Even when people painstakingly endeavor to conceal their disloyalty, disloyalty has a way of being revealed to you.  Disloyal people tend to have disloyal friends, family members, and associates, and those individuals often—without the least thought and regret—communicate the disloyalty to the victims.

While it can seem easy to respond to this piece by saying, “Don’t trust everyone,” some of the victimizers can be people you’ve never had any reason to suspect of being disloyal.  You should not immediately blame the victim.  It’s not healthy to go around distrusting everyone but it’s wise to keep your eyes and ears open.

Should a family member or friend be forgiven for being disloyal?

Forgive everyone for everything.  The disloyal will inevitably receive justice.  You will recover from the pain disloyal people have inflict on you—just don’t let that pain stifle your progress.  Find the strength to overcome this pain or it will accomplish just what your enemies hoped it would: destruction.

After reading this piece, let your loyal family members and friends know how much you really appreciate, love and support them.  Being a victim of disloyalty offers you powerful insights about why your loyal family members and friends are so valuable.

As a quick reminder to disloyal people, your actions can cause those same evil seeds you planted in one place to sprout at your doorsteps.  You do reap what you sow.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Keep Your College Student from Becoming a Victim of Identity Theft
Identity Theft

(Photo Credit: Identity Theft Protection)

Identity theft is the fastest-growing crime in the country, according to the FBI.  College students are especially vulnerable to this type of fraud for a couple reasons: They lack an understanding of how important it is to keep personal information safe, especially in this era of excessive sharing through social media, and because they come with clean credit histories which they are unlikely to monitor.  We have a responsibility to educate our college-age students about identity theft and how to prevent it.

Prevention Tips

  • Tell your children what identity theft is and how it could affect them if they are not careful. It is vital that anyone going away for college has a clear understanding of the issue and the consequences if certain measures are not taken.

  • Despite having a clean credit history, it’s necessary for college students to check their credit regularly. This is a good way to keep an eye out for fraudulent activity and accounts opened in their name.

  • Explain to your children that when shopping online, they must only use secure websites. This must be the rule if they are going to use a bank or credit cards online. The best way to recognize a secure website: There is an “s” on the end of “http.” This provides customers with peace of mind that payment information will be kept confidential.

  • Teach your college students to always use a firewall and a quality antivirus and malware program. This program should be updated regularly to ensure the latest version is being employed and the maximum protection.

  • Consider signing the whole family up for an identity theft protection service such as LifeLock. This is the ideal way to keep personal information secure. Such services monitor their clients’ accounts and offer them fraud alerts, guidance and resources on how to keep personal information safe.

Basic Security Measures

  • Your children should have a secure place to store their Social Security card, personal documents, credit cards and mail.

  • Teach your children to keep their campus apartments or dorm rooms locked to stop people from going through their personal belongings.

  • Invest in a paper shredder. This is the best way to eliminate documents no longer needed.

  • Instruct your college students to create a separate list of all their account information and banks’ phone numbers. This makes it easy to report a card as misplaced or stolen. They should also keep the phone numbers of the three major credit bureaus handy in case anything suspicious happens.

We are responsible for sending our children out in the world armed with good facts about protecting themselves. With these simple tips, we can educate these young adults so they don’t fall prey to identity thieves.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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The Complicated Beauty of Forgiveness
Forgiveness

(Photo Credit: Joint Interest)

Although it can be quite difficult to forgive people sometimes, it’s essential that you forgive them.  You may feel that the people have done things to you and/or stated things about you that make them unworthy of forgiveness.  Everyone deserves forgiveness, however.  When you’re unwilling to forgive others, you hold yourself back from progressing.  You will continue to carry the weight of unforgiveness around with you.  Holding grudges robs you of living a life liberated from the control of others.  When you fail to forgive individuals who have wronged you, you’re allowing the things they’ve done to you to control you.

When you forgive people for their errors, you make room in your life for greater things to happen in it.

Forgiveness

(Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

Forgiving individuals does not mean you have to become friends with them and hang out with them.  It means you have released yourself and them from any personal animosity, malevolent thoughts, and desires for revenge you may have harbored.  This will also let the people who you’ve forgiven know that you hold nothing against them.  When you forgive people, this does not mean that they will not face consequences for their wrongs.  They still will experience the repercussions of their errors.  At that point, what they will go through is out of your hands.  You’ve done your part and that’s all that matters.

Don’t spend the rest of your life thinking about ways you’re going to get revenge on your enemies. This is a complete waste of your time.  Your enemies have wasted enough of your time; therefore, don’t help them to waste more of it.

If you forgive a person for phenomena he or she has done to you, then you may discover that the act of forgiveness enables you to restore a relationship with him or her.  Forgiveness can, therefore, pave the way for necessary relationships to be mended.  It can also give you peace to deal with those relationships that need to end or remain severed.  In no way does having a forgiving heart mean that you have to let people run over you.  A forgiving heart permits you to recognize that human beings are fallible creatures needing to be forgiven because of their inability to achieve perfection.

Make an important decision to forgive everyone who has ever done you wrong.  If you really want to see maximum growth in your life, visit, call or write the people you’re forgiving to inform them that you’ve forgiven them and what you’ve forgiven them for doing and/or saying.  Be specific too.

We continue to have unproductive arguments and fights with one another because we’re too immature to resolve our issues through sincere and apt communication.

When you apologize to someone, don’t apologize because you got caught; apologize because you’re genuinely sorry. Faux apologizes will only exacerbate quandaries between you and others.  Many people will respond positively to authentic apologies.

Today, empower yourself by forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoings.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Launch Your Career in Raleigh

(Photo by Mark Turner via Wikimedia Commons)

Today’s college graduates cannot rely solely on their college achievements to open doors for the career options they seek.  Companies may be on the lookout for graduates with potential, but it’s naive to sit back and wait for recruiters to come to you.  If you want to achieve, you’ll need to take the initiative to launch your professional career.  Being in the right place is the first step towards reaching that objective.  Raleigh, North Carolina has great potential for meeting your career needs.  Forbes ranked it the second best American city for business and career prospects in 2013.

Profile

With a metropolitan population of just over 1 million strong, Raleigh offers a promising future for today’s college graduate looking for a place to begin a career.  Current employment statistics reveal an annual job growth projection of 2.9%, with the area’s industries focusing on technology, education and healthcare.

(Photo by James Willamor via Flickr)

Raleigh is a member of North Carolina’s renowned Research Triangle, a major U.S. center for high-tech/biotech research that offers career opportunities in many areas.  The Raleigh area also is home to many prestigious universities, including North Carolina State University, Duke University (in nearby Durham) and Wake Forest University (in Winston-Salem).  The positive economic impact of these esteemed institutions is well noted throughout the area.  Although the city has a higher cost of living—5 percent above the national average—lower business costs of approximately 18% below average continue to draw many prominent businesses to the area.  Taking these attributes into consideration, it’s not difficult to see why so many young professionals are attracted to this unique destination.

Career Prospects

(Photo by James Willamor via Flickr)

Raleigh is a city with incredible business potential, both now and in the future. The city took the “Perennial” spot in Forbes’ “Best Places for Business and Careers” in August 2013, followed by a listing in “10 Up-and-Coming Cities for Entrepreneurs” in October 2013.  In April 2013, Raleigh was ranked as the 10th most prosperous city in the country, further cementing its financial potential.

Early in 2013, Raleigh placed second on the National Federation of Independent Businesses’ list for having the best location for business startups and 10th on CIO.com’s list of “Best Cities for IT Jobs.” With such business recognition and interest, the city offers tremendous promise for industrious graduates willing to tackle the challenges of a promising future.

Attributes and Lifestyle

In addition to business potential, there is another side to the city that is equally attractive to young professionals and their families.  Raleigh’s rustic charm features rolling hill landscaping tapering to a coastal plain that’s lined with majestic oak trees, earning the city the nickname of “City of Oaks.”

(Photo by James Willamor via Flickr)

Some of the city’s cultural appeal is highlighted by its multiple museums of art, history and natural sciences, Time Warner Cable Music Pavilion and the Progress Energy Center for Performing Arts, which hosts the North Carolina Symphony.  Being centrally located, Raleigh provides easy access to a number of preferred hotspots in the region such as Atlantic Beach, two hours away, and the Great Smoky Mountains, a four-hour drive from the city. Affordable housing such as Raleigh apartments, houses and condos provides safe and comfortable accommodations for singles, couples and families. Short commutes to surrounding areas for work or pleasure add to the city’s appeal as an ideal place to begin a career.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Secrets Can Destroy Relationships
Black Couple in Bed

(Photo Credit: Essence)

Honesty is always the best policy to employ in all relationships.  If you desire for your relationship to have staying power, then you need to be completely truthful with your partner.  It’s vital for you to inform your partner about past and present phenomena that are important for him or her to know.  You have to place enough trust in the power of your relationship to handle frank discourses.  Your partner should be happy that you’re willing to disclose with him or her things that you could have kept secret.

One couple I know has some secrets that would certainly shatter the relationship if they surfaced.  The woman has slept with her partner’s “good friend.” The “good friend,” who is a secretive person himself, refuses to inform the guy that he has had sex with his girlfriend.  A relationship like this one is doomed to fail.

Unfortunately, some people are so desperate to be in and/or stay in relationships that they’re willing to live with lies.

It’s always best to inform your partner as early as possible about things you believe may potentially cause problems or challenges in your relationship. By addressing phenomena that can be problematic for the relationship early on, this can build strength in the relationship.  It can also determine if those are things that will permit the relationship to continue, which is essential to resolve before the relationship gets too serious.

While I’m not advocating for you to become a private investigator, I do contend that it’s crucial for you to do your own research on those you wish to involve yourself with and those you’re involved with. Yes, people can change.  You may not, however, be able to stand being in a relationship with a person if you know some of the things he or she has done in the past.  While we should not hold everything in a person’s past against him or her, one does need to make the most informed decision about entering into a relationship with an individual.  The most informed decision can only emerge when the proper research has been done on your potential or current partner.  For example, I know someone who is in a relationship with a woman who has slept with at least one guy who is highly sexually active and who engages frequently in risky sexual behavior, but she has not told her current partner about this.  She’s unfairly exposing her current partner to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

If you know the secrets that a family member’s partner or friend’s partner aren’t divulging, then I do want to prepare you for the possibility that he or she will not believe you.  He or she may attack you by saying, “You just want me,” “You’re just envious,” “You’re just a liar,” “You just want him,” “You just want her,” or etc.  If you feel the need to tell your family member or friend, just know that you’re doing the right thing.

Just remember, secrets always have a way of coming out.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Don’t Get Too Distracted by Others’ Goals

Although there’s nothing wrong with helping people to achieve their aspirations, never become so engrossed in their goals that you neglect your own.  Your goals are just as important as those you’re aiding others in accomplishing.  It’s critical for you to strike a healthy balance between working to attain your aspirations and working to assist others to achieve their goals.  When you have given considerable time to aiding others, you deserve to devote as much time as necessary to pursuing your dreams passionately.

Many of us who are committed to serving others become disappointed with ourselves when we dedicate time to focusing on our goals.  This has to stop!  Being a selfless person does not mean that you have to surrender living your dreams.  Never allow someone to make you feel like you have to devote all, much, or a majority of your time to him or her to be considered a selfless person.  Your record of service will evince you’re a selfless person.

Unfortunately, too many of the people who we sacrifice our goals for don’t appreciate what we have done for them.  They elect to criticize us for not being at the level of success they are at and/or for not having accomplished the things we have stated that we desire to do.  Of course, this represents the ultimate slap in the face.  We could have been accomplishing our goals while we were making their dreams come true.  Don’t dwell on how ungrateful these people have been to you.  Take some time to care for the wounds they’ve inflicted on you, and then get to work on executing your goals.

You also have to understand that when you’re working on achieving your goals, you’re positioning yourself to serve people more effectively.  Completing your goals, therefore, isn’t selfish—it’s a buttressing of your ability to perform charitable work.  When you’re in an improved social and economic position, you’re better able to aid others in moving up the social and economic ladder.

It’s essential for you to realize you cannot save the world; you can only do so much to help people.  With this reality in mind, think about how much time you invest in doing things for people.  Do you always do whatever someone wants you to do for him or her without refusing him or her?  If so, you’re bringing too much undue stress into your life.  Learn to say, “No”!  Really, it’s okay to refuse to do things for people, especially when you’ve always given to people and you’ve developed a distinguished track record of service.

Empower people to do things for themselves, so that you will not have to do every little thing for them.  You cripple people’s evolution when you allow them to depend on you for every little thing.  If you’ve been doing this, stop it today!  Let people learn to become independent.  You will discover that you will have more freedom to do the things you need to do, and they will have more liberty to live a life devoid of extreme dependence on you.

As T. I. and Rihanna say, “Just live your life.”

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Bye! You’re A Burden Anyway
Girl Bye

(Photo Credit: Meme Crunch)

Do you have people in your life who like to pout like they’re little kids when they don’t get their way?  Do these people try to make everything about them?  Have you ever thought about whether these people have any true value in your life?  It may be time for you to remove yourself from these people completely.  What kinds of benefits do you receive from being in relationships with people like this?  None.  To stay in relationships with people like this is to continue to remain just as foolish as they are.  Although it’s difficult to end certain relationships, there comes a time when you have to eliminate pointless relationships.

What is a pointless relationship?  A pointless relationship is a relationship where one person never gets any benefits from the relationship and the other person obtains all of the benefits.  This type of relationship is unfair and unhealthy.

Being in a pointless relationship wastes your time, results in an undue amount of stress, and leaves you with a sense of emptiness and unhappiness.  You have the power to get yourself out of these types of relationships.  Once you sever ties with those who you’re in pointless relationships with, you will see just how great of a life you can live without them.

Although you may use the “friends” label with people in your life, are they really your friends?  Do they really encapsulate your ideas and ideals of what friends are supposed to be?  Do they give you more pain than pleasure?  If your “friends” are giving you more pain than pleasure, it’s time for you to acknowledge that they’re not friends—they’re burdens!

You must begin to value yourself in such way that allows you to eliminate those in your life who are simply a waste of your time.

When you talk with certain “friends,” do they always find a way to dominate the conversation and/or make the conversation all about them, never giving you a minute to get a word in edgewise?  It’s time for you to realize that these are selfish people.  In the conversations that you’re having with your “friends,” are those conversations mostly about the things they want you do for them?  Again, it’s time for you to admit that these people are selfish.

Selfish people are burdens and they always make the relationships they’re in pointless.

The funny thing is selfish people will often try to threaten not to be your friend any longer and/or stop communicating with you for a period of time and ignore you, as their attempt to punish you. When they do these things, you need to push them completely out of your life.  They’re the ones who really lose when they do these things; they’re the ones who are constantly dependent on you.

You have to take some responsibility for how you have allowed these selfish people to maintain relationships with you.  For whatever reason(s) you continue to stay in relationships with these people, you’re the one who has to break the chains linking you to them.

When selfish people in your life ignore you, stop communicating with you for a period of time, and/or threaten to stop being your friend, you should be happy because these burdens are being removed from your life.

Dr. Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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