Bombarded with Relationship Advice

Sometimes you can simply get too much relationship advice. Too much relationship advice can cause you to lack the will to solve your own relationship problems. Now, there’s nothing wrong with listening to the advice of others about your relationship problems, but don’t listen to too many voices. When you listen to too many voices about your relationship problems, this means you are talking to too many people about your relationship problems. You just might be having some of those relationship quandaries because you are sharing too much with too many folks. For those of you who have discovered that the more information you share with others about your relationship, the worse it gets. Pause one moment. Did you ever think about the reason that it keeps getting worse and worse stems from those people who you keep sharing information with all the time? The ones you are telling all of your relationship business to could be the ones that are going to take your woman or man—just a thought.

Women, when your man cheats on you, you just might want to seek out the advice of another man and not another woman. Many of the responses of women I have encountered will simply say, “Girl, you need to leave him.” Although cheating is one of the greatest betrayals, it’s not always best to simply discontinue a relationship with someone because he or she has cheated on you. The reason that many women will tell you that you should just leave him is they are not the ones who have to climb back in that empty bed night after night. No, I’m not advocating for you to let a man continue to dishonor you by cheating on you time after time, but you should not simply listen to the voices of people who are not going to rationally help you to think about this situation in its totality and who are not going to help you to make the decision that is truly best for you.

Yes, I know that I mentioned previously that you are bombarded with too much relationship advice and it seems that you are getting relationship advice from what I have composed thus far. The only reason that I have written what I have thus far is to cause you to seriously reflect on the relationship advice you get and to expose some of the irrationality and lack of depth in thought that accompanies much of the relationship advice you receive.

The person who needs to be the expert about the relationship you are in or about relationships in general is you. Why would you allow someone to be an expert about a person who you know better than he or she does? That’s silly! Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with getting other viewpoints, but you should not allow those viewpoints to skew the realities about the person you are in a relationship with.

It seems like every time I go to various blogs there’s someone giving people relationship advice. So many talk shows frequently focus on giving relationship advice. Too many people’s discourses are concentrated on relationship advice.  What qualifies a person to give relationship advice to another person? Why should anyone listen to what you have to say about relationships? Can your personal relationship advice really be applied to another person’s relationship?

Random question (I think): Why have so many people allowed Steve Harvey to become a popular national relationship “expert” for women and men?

On Facebook, I have noticed that people will disclose the things that are going on in their relationships through their statuses, and from what they have learned in their relationships, they will share with the rest of their Facebook friends their “profound epiphanies.”

Be more selective about the people who you elect to get relationship advice from when you are having relationship problems. Try to solve your own relationship problems before you let some blog writer, Steve Harvey, Oprah, your pastor, and/or others attempt to solve them for you. When you begin to feel overwhelmed with so much relationship advice, I want you to think about how much you are responsible for this feeling. Most of the time you are so bombarded with relationship advice because you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed with it.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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11 comments

  1. I’m not a fan of letting too many people in my relationship. I have ONE person I go to with advice. Other than that I’m in dialogue with the myself or the one I’m with. I find when you let too many people in your relationship, many of the attitudes and perceptions become warped. I like for my relationships to be viewed in a positive light because most of the time, things are really minor.

    My friends always come to me for advice. Always. I’m not sure what makes me an expert on the subject but they seem to ask and listen. Maybe I should go get me a loud colored tux and hair piece to get my Steve Harvey on??

    1. @Drew: Lol! Not a “hair piece”–nooooooo! Umm…no on the loud colored tuxedo too. Lol! Your friends have found your advice to be meaningful and they probably have found your advice on other matters that have nothing to do with relationships to be quality too, so it may not just be your relationship advice that they find meaningful, but your advice in general. I think you should give Steve Harvey a run for his money, but that would require you to use some of his tactics that appeal to those who have found what he has to say so desirable.

  2. “The reason that many women will tell you that you should just leave him is they are not the ones who have to climb back in that empty bed night after night”

    Codependency and fear of being along with your own mind and emotions is no reason to continue a fraudulent relationship.

    My relationship advice is for people to develop a healthy and loving relationship with their own selves!

  3. Very good article and although I fall into the category of someone who gives relationship advice to others, I do try and preface my advice by letting the readers know that this comes from personal experience. The same argument to “not taking advice from strangers” can be applied to “not discounting good advice from strangers” because ultimately it boils down to what an individual chooses to consume. I feel that a man who is in a position where I was a few years ago could use my guidance based on experience, that same advice will not bide well with someone who isn’t in that position and holds a different belief structure as my own.

    We all have to filter what comes into our minds, this goes for all levels of media, from books to television. Nothing is completely wrong, it’s all about what you take from it. The girlfriend telling a woman to leave a man could be giving good advice if the man is a habitual cheater that can and will eventually bring back an STD or worse to his lady. The single guy telling the desperate loser to assert himself and stop being afraid of beautiful women is more qualified (in my opinion) than the married guy advising him to go to church and join a single’s meeting. The problem comes about when we put the advice-givers on a podium, and take their every word as law. Even Steve Harvey had some good points in his book but people inflated those points and ascended him to a level where the ignorant will think that the book is a bible on getting a man.

    Finally: People NEED relationship advice, we aren’t islands. Every guy I know that does well by their girls have tugged someone’s sleeve, watched an emulated a movie or read a book that influenced their behavior or reaction to things. Most people just don’t “figure it out”, that’s blog fantasy – the bottom line to any advice is: get it, process it and then decide whether to accept it.

    1. Greg: Thanks very much! I agree with every word that you said. I didn’t want to come across in the article as saying that people should not seek the viewpoints of others on relationship issues, but my frustration is with people who don’t strive to solve their own relationship issues first or who treat other people’s relationship advice as the “mouth of God.” There’s nothing wrong with getting relationship advice from books, blogs, and people as long as that advice is being grounded in one’s own mental and physical work toward solving the relationship issues. On matters of academic issues, I think we need to hear tons of voices, but on relationship matters, which are more personal issues, I think that it’s best for us to get that advice from a selective and trusted group of people. I very much agree with you when you say, “get it, process it and then decide whether to accept it.” Thanks for reading and your great and insightful response!

  4. I agree most with your statement that we are so often searching for the advice of others we lost the ability to problem-solve through our own problems. It really wasn’t until I got into my 30’s that I stopped picking up the phone and letting other people run every little thing about my life. I started running it for myself and it really empowered me because I couldn’t be as easily swayed in the choices I made and was able to be very clear with asking for SUPPORT for the choices I began making in my relationships and in my life but not always needing advice.

    1. @Sunny Dee: Yes, there’s nothing wrong with seeking advice. The real problem happens when we start looking for others to solve all of our relationship problems. We can be our own best problem-solvers. Thanks for reading and your response!

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