Love

Rekindling Old Flames

You should always be open to the possibility of reuniting with someone you’ve had a relationship with in the past.  Now, in no way does this piece argue that you should always get back involved with your past loves, but it does contend that you should not close your mind to considering getting back together with any of your past loves.  Of course, if you are currently married or in a relationship with someone right now, this article is not addressed to you.  This article is focused on those who are single.  Never close your mind to an opportunity to give someone a second chance, and never close your mind to giving yourself a second chance to be loved.

People can change.  The conditions and circumstances present when you were together can and do change.  When you were once with a past love, the person could have been too immature for you or you may not have been compatible at the time.  However, we all know that time brings about a change.  A possibility exists that you could be more compatible with the person now and he or she be more mature now.

Since you’ve been apart from the person, you may have grown too.  You may have worked out some inner and outer things that make you a better fit for the person.  Your views and evaluations of the person may have changed, considering time offers you an opportunity in all areas of your life to grow.  Things that were such serious problems at the time you were with the person may be insignificant to you now.

Time may have afforded you an opportunity to focus on the value of a past relationship and caused you to realize that you missed the real meaning, purpose, and significance of the relationship because you were too focused on the wrong thing(s).  After you’ve had some relationships with other people, you may have learned that your past loves are not as horrible as you once thought.  Time may have provided you with an opportunity to realize that you’re still in love with someone and never have stopped loving them.  Your pride may have prevented you from expressing your love to them, considering they may have hurt you so deeply in the past.  Your pride can also cause you to try to bury your true feelings and love for a person.  Don’t let your pride keep you from rekindling love.

Now, if you know that a person has not changed, and you know that you’re still not compatible with a person, then please don’t waste your time with going down that same failed road.

You can begin the discourse with a past love about the potential of getting back together by just communicating that you want to talk about the potential of reuniting.  Don’t shy away from expressing how you really feel about the person right now, and never be afraid of discussing the positive and negative moments from your past relationship.  If you are to have a successful relationship with the person this time, frank communication is mandatory.  Many relationships fail because people are not willing to have open and frank communication with one another.

Again, this piece does not attempt to communicate that you should get back with your past loves just because you’re single, but it does assert that you should never close your mind to the possibility of considering rekindling a past relationship.  True critical thinkers are always open to consider anything.  This does not mean that you have to act on everything you consider—you shouldn’t.

You may never know what the power of renewing a love with a past love can do for you right now, especially if you completely close your mind to considering it.

Be open.  Consider the possibilities.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Stop Being Free

One of the realities of life that you may not want to confront but you must is sometimes you have to give people exactly what they want.  Along the same lines, you must sometimes ask people for exactly what you want.  From time to time, it’s vital to show people that you will stop doing things for them when they are unwilling to do things for you.  People will want you to go all out the way for them, but when you ask them to do something for you, there are always excuses and artificial justifications for why they cannot do exactly what you ask of them.

Let people know that you will withhold your giving to them when they are never willing to do exactly what you ask of them.  Don’t be afraid to ask people for exactly what you want.  Stop sugarcoating your requests—just ask for what you want, how you want it, and when you want it!

People need to know that you are made of something.  Stop just letting them get all of you for free.  If you truly believe that you are valuable, then, from time to time, start getting something in exchange for the things you do for people.  In no way am I suggesting that you should ask people for something in return for everything you do for them.  What I am saying, however, is to occasionally request people to do something for you in return for what you do for them.  Please know that you are not being selfish when you occasionally request for people to do something in return for what you do for them.

You have to learn to be fairer to yourself.

If people try to give you a significant amount of resistance to your requests for them to do something in return for what you do for them, then simply don’t do what they want you to do for them.  Sometimes people learn the most from tough love.  Tough love can cause people to do the critical self-examinations they so desperately need to do.

The bible informs us that people are worthy of their service.  Therefore, think about this each time you ask someone to do something for you.

Of course, we need more people across the world to become more selfless.  This does not mean that we need more people across the world to be more foolish in their giving, however.  When people love and respect you enough, they will know (without being told) that they need to honor your requests for them to do something in return for what they request you to do.

Sometimes you have to let people suffer before they will realize that they need to treat you better.  As the bible evinces, suffering brings about correction.  We are surrounded by so many people who need correction.  Far too many people are too consumed with what they want and need that they never consider the desires and needs of other people.  Don’t love yourself so much that you cannot use your eyes and heart to discern what you can do to meet the longings and needs of others.

Stop being free!  Put a price tag on yourself sometimes.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Bombarded with Relationship Advice

Sometimes you can simply get too much relationship advice. Too much relationship advice can cause you to lack the will to solve your own relationship problems. Now, there’s nothing wrong with listening to the advice of others about your relationship problems, but don’t listen to too many voices. When you listen to too many voices about your relationship problems, this means you are talking to too many people about your relationship problems. You just might be having some of those relationship quandaries because you are sharing too much with too many folks. For those of you who have discovered that the more information you share with others about your relationship, the worse it gets. Pause one moment. Did you ever think about the reason that it keeps getting worse and worse stems from those people who you keep sharing information with all the time? The ones you are telling all of your relationship business to could be the ones that are going to take your woman or man—just a thought.

Women, when your man cheats on you, you just might want to seek out the advice of another man and not another woman. Many of the responses of women I have encountered will simply say, “Girl, you need to leave him.” Although cheating is one of the greatest betrayals, it’s not always best to simply discontinue a relationship with someone because he or she has cheated on you. The reason that many women will tell you that you should just leave him is they are not the ones who have to climb back in that empty bed night after night. No, I’m not advocating for you to let a man continue to dishonor you by cheating on you time after time, but you should not simply listen to the voices of people who are not going to rationally help you to think about this situation in its totality and who are not going to help you to make the decision that is truly best for you.

Yes, I know that I mentioned previously that you are bombarded with too much relationship advice and it seems that you are getting relationship advice from what I have composed thus far. The only reason that I have written what I have thus far is to cause you to seriously reflect on the relationship advice you get and to expose some of the irrationality and lack of depth in thought that accompanies much of the relationship advice you receive.

The person who needs to be the expert about the relationship you are in or about relationships in general is you. Why would you allow someone to be an expert about a person who you know better than he or she does? That’s silly! Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with getting other viewpoints, but you should not allow those viewpoints to skew the realities about the person you are in a relationship with.

It seems like every time I go to various blogs there’s someone giving people relationship advice. So many talk shows frequently focus on giving relationship advice. Too many people’s discourses are concentrated on relationship advice.  What qualifies a person to give relationship advice to another person? Why should anyone listen to what you have to say about relationships? Can your personal relationship advice really be applied to another person’s relationship?

Random question (I think): Why have so many people allowed Steve Harvey to become a popular national relationship “expert” for women and men?

On Facebook, I have noticed that people will disclose the things that are going on in their relationships through their statuses, and from what they have learned in their relationships, they will share with the rest of their Facebook friends their “profound epiphanies.”

Be more selective about the people who you elect to get relationship advice from when you are having relationship problems. Try to solve your own relationship problems before you let some blog writer, Steve Harvey, Oprah, your pastor, and/or others attempt to solve them for you. When you begin to feel overwhelmed with so much relationship advice, I want you to think about how much you are responsible for this feeling. Most of the time you are so bombarded with relationship advice because you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed with it.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

The Pain of Knowing You Did the Wrong Thing

Did the Wrong Thing

When you know that you have done the wrong thing to someone, you should ask for God’s forgiveness and should ask the person for forgiveness. God will forgive you. The person may forgive you too. You should ask the person for forgiveness in person to allow him or her to see that it is a genuine request for forgiveness—if this is at all possible. People will respect you more when you just come out and genuinely apologize for the things that you have done wrong. Don’t try to make excuses for what you have done wrong—just apologize. When you try to make excuses for what you have done wrong or try to engage in a debate about whether or not what you did was really wrong, then you cause even more pain for your victim or victims and run the risk of never getting forgiveness from that person.

Although some people may never forgive you, you should try your best to get their forgiveness because you are the person who caused the pain in the first place. The one thing that you can do in the future to prevent causing people pain is to simply not strive to intentionally hurt people. When you have developed a reputation for being compassionate, then the times where you unintentionally hurt people will be less of a problem because people will automatically excuse you because your compassionate reputation precedes you.

One thing that makes me angry about people who intentionally hurt others is when they try to cover up the hurt that they have caused. When they attempt to make it appear like they had nothing to do with the hurt that they caused, this represents the essence of cowardice. I have a difficult time not going wild on someone who knows that he or she has intentionally inflicted pain on me, but comes around me acting like everything is okay—like nothing has happened.

Let’s be better people and not intentionally hurt people. If we would not intentionally hurt people, we would not have to carry with us the pain of knowing that we have done the wrong thing to somebody, and what a pain that is.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Hold Your Family and Friends Accountable

We have a responsibility to love and support our family and friends, but this does not mean that we should not hold them accountable for the things that they do and say. When your family members and friends tell you that they are going to do something for you, then you must hold them accountable to do whatever it is that they said they were going to do. If they do not do what they said that they were going to do, then it is okay for you to discontinue doing further things for them. You should not feel bad about not doing something for your family members and friends when they consistently and persistently don’t come through for you. When you make the decision to no longer help them until they help you, this does not prevent you from still loving and supporting them; in fact, you can love them even more.

Although I will not take much time to discuss it here, I encourage you to read about Abraham in the bible, a man who had to leave his family to do the will of God. It is my position that you have to stop being so giving to your family and friends when you never receive anything in return from them. Do you ever have family members and friends who only or mostly call you when they want something? Do you ever have family members and friends who want you to go out of the way for them, but never come through when you ask them for something? It’s time to stop doing stuff for them when this happens. You have to love yourself enough to start distancing yourself away from them—this will help them to understand how selfish they are being. While some people will not agree that this is a proper way of handling family and friends, I will just say that family and friends can be some of the greatest deadbeats sometimes.

Start showing your appreciation for your family members and friends who do things for you. When people devote their time, money, and/or assistance to you, you should let them know how you feel about them, you should do something special for them, and you should do something that they want you to do for them sometimes. When these people stop doing things for you, it’s going to make a significant difference in your lives. If my readers need the courage or some support in their efforts to hold their friends and family members accountable, just contact me and I will help you by giving you advice and support. I made a sincere commitment on yesterday to hold my friends and family members accountable, and I encourage you to do the same. I stand with you!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Do Something Special for Your Children Today

I was just inspired to say that I think it would be really nice for you to do something special for your children today. It does not have to be something major—just do something special for them today. Our children are our greatest assets and we need to honor them as much as possible. If you don’t take that much time out to listen to your children, take a moment today just to talk to them to see how they are feeling, what may be worrying them, what they like most, and/or what is the greatest challenge they face. You may be surprised at what you discover.

If God has given you a child, He has given you the greatest blessing you can expect to receive. If you want your children to do better, then you are going to have to have the faith to believe that they can do better. Our children need our full support and unconditional love. Stop saying that your children are bad and just pray for them to improve. If you keep telling your children that they are bad, they will certainly become bad and never stop being bad, because you spoke this into their lives.

Don’t say that you don’t have the money to do something special for your children today. It does not take any money or much time to tell your children how much they mean to you and how much you love them. During this school year, try to become more involved in your children’s education. From my own experience, I know that having involved parents in my education made a significant difference in my educational experiences and outcomes throughout the K – higher education educational pipeline.

No matter the age of your children, they are still precious. God gave you the children in your lives to treasure, cherish, and protect, so please make sure you take care of them properly. Don’t let anyone come between you and your love for your children. Again, do something special for your children today!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison