Friendship

The Key to Failure: Secret Enemies

Frenemies

Watch your back sucka!

Make sure everyone you choose to be on your team is really committed to you.  Don’t let someone who appears to take sides with you and/or who seems to be friendly with you be on your team.  You must go beyond mere appearances—you must know whether someone truly deserves to be on your team in this game of life.  Too many people lose in the game of life because they have decided to put people on their team who are not true comrades.  You’re going to face situations in your life where you’re going to need only those who are truly your friends.

You can lose battles you confront in your life when you allow those who are secretly your enemies to be on your team.  The people you allow on your team can be the very people who are secretly defeating you.  While it’s okay to be friendly to people, this does not mean you should include all of these people on your team.  You have a choice about the individuals you select to be on your team.  Therefore, you have to take responsibility for the decisions you make in the formation of your team.

Your enemies will send people to join your team and disguise them as people who support you and who want to be your friend.  When you’re facing great battles, you need to think about the people who have always been there for you—the ones you’ve always been able to count on delivering for you.  Those are the people who you need to have on your team.  For those “friends” who have been lukewarm towards you throughout your “friendship,” then you need to discard them immediately.  Unfortunately, many people are unwilling to muster the courage to rid themselves of those who are truly undeserving of being on their team.  A failure to remove these folks from your team guarantees your failure.

If we’re to build winning teams, we have to make sure we have the right people on our teams.

People who are constantly a burden for you are not the right members to have on your team.  Individuals who take your focus off of what’s important are not the right members to have on your team.  If you have individuals on your team who are always begging for something, those individuals should be removed from your team immediately.  You need to have people on your team who can genuinely contribute something to the team.

Individuals who lack a true understanding of the team concept need to be eliminated from your team.  On a team, you don’t need someone who is only going to be thinking about himself or herself.  If you have people on your team who use “I” all of the time or most of the time, then you need to remove those people from your team.  If you have people who never want the conversation to focus on you much, then you need to eliminate those individuals immediately.  Additionally, if you have people on your team who think your problems and concerns are not as important as their problems and concerns, then eliminate them from your team as soon as possible.

If you think a conversation is boring unless it’s about you, then you’re not worthy of being on anyone’s team.

Try to identify those individuals on your team who are only interested in the perks of being on and associated with your team.  Don’t be afraid to let former team members know why you severed ties with them—your explanation can be just what they need to become better people.

Don’t let anyone keep you from winning the battles and wars you are facing and will confront! You must remember that your greatest enemies may be the individuals you call your “friends.”  Your “friends” may be the ingredients in your life and on your team causing you to experience failure.  Without question, you must discover those secret enemies who need to be removed from your team.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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Read the Expiration Date: Some Friendships Need to End

Have you ever just become so exhausted with a friendship that you have to keep wondering why you are torturing yourself by remaining friends?  If you are constantly having more unpleasant days in a friendship than positive days, then you need to consider allowing that friendship to end.  Although all friendships will experience some conflicts, you should not have to have a serious battle with your friends every month.  When you have to go to war with your friends every month, then you have all of the evidence you need to end this friendship.  Seriously, why waste your time dealing with these too frequent burdens that your friends cause for you?  If people are truly your friends, you’re going to gain more positive things from them than negative things.

When we give someone the title of “friend,” it seems like many of us begin to allow an individual to take advantage of us because we idolize the title too much instead of truly assessing the relationship with the person we have given the title.  It does not matter how long or short a period of time you have been friends with a person he or she is not too great for you to not engage in a meaningful evaluation of his or her worth in your life.  While it may seem easier to get rid of those friends you have known only a short period of time, it can be much more of a challenge for you to terminate friendships with people you have known longer.  The truth is you just have to accept the reality that some friendships you have maintained for a long period of time might need to end for your (and their) benefit.

Although everyone needs a friend, you should not allow a friend to cause you constant pain.  When a friend becomes more of a burden than a help for you, then you know that this person is no longer your friend.

If a person is truly your friend, you will be able to value his or her words.  A true friend will not tell you lies just to get what he or she wants.  A true friend is not deceitful.  We have to learn that we cannot call everyone a friend.  Moreover, we have to learn that we cannot keep maintaining old friendships that have really become burdens.  When we try to avoid the truth about friendships that have turned into burdens, then we can overlook those friends who have really become our enemies.

Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.  We are most vulnerable to being taken advantage of by those we call our friends.  It is important for you to know that those who you call your friends can take advantage of you just like anyone else can.  While this reality can be quite hurtful, this is the reason why we have to begin to engage in close assessments of our friendships and eliminate those friendships that are not producing positive benefits for us.

Please don’t allow the fact that you have been in a long friendship with someone to keep you from letting the friendship expire.  You must face the truth that some long friendships need to be terminated because over the years things and people change, leading to those friendships not being based on what they originally were founded on.  When you are conducting your close evaluation of your current friendships, think about the things that developed those friendships.  Are those things still there or have they changed in some substantive way?  By seriously wrestling with this question in your assessment of your friendships, you may realize that the reason that your friendships no longer seem like friendships is the things that started those friendships are no longer present or have changed in such a significant way.

Would you continue to take medicine for an illness that your doctor has informed you that you no longer have?  Of course, you would not.  Well, why continue friendships that no longer maintain the original things they were founded on?

Do you have friends that ask you to do something for them always but when you ask them to do something for you they always have an excuse about why they cannot do what you asked?  You may have never considered this before, but these kinds of friends can lead you to having real health problems.  These kinds of friends can consume too much of your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental energy.  It is not selfish to ask and expect your friends to do what you ask of them from time to time, especially those friends who always ask you to do something for them and you always do it for them.

Make a wise decision for yourself today and end those friendships that are not good for you.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

It’s Natural to Grow Apart from People

You may think it’s a bad thing to grow apart from some of your relatives and friends, but you should stop feeling this way because it’s natural to grow apart from some of them. As time passes, you can begin to see differences between some of your relatives and friends that are not just simple differences but are differences that are incompatible with the core values and principles that define you. While you may have tolerated things they have done in the past that are conflicting with the core values and principles that define you, time may unveil to you that you need to separate from them. I would argue that you made a serious mistake in tolerating them in the first place and never should just simply tolerate people who you claim you love. However, we all do make mistakes and the best thing we can do is acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, move on, and progress.

Although you may disagree with people on many political, social, cultural, and economic issues, it is ultimately their core values and principles you should be more concerned about than their political, social, cultural, and economic viewpoints. You should assess your relationship with people by who they are at their core. You should ask yourself the following query: What kind of human being is this person? Is this the kind of human being I want to be associated with and who is or can be a positive force in my life? Does the good outweigh the bad with this person? If you don’t like what kind of human being this person has become, then you should peacefully sever your relationship and ties to this person. If you don’t believe that the person is the kind of person you want to be associated with and isn’t a positive force in your life, then you should peacefully disassociate yourself from the person. When the good does not outweigh the bad with this person, then it’s time to disassemble the relationship.

Of course, you should not simply discontinue a relationship with some of your relatives and friends without making serious efforts to engage them and talk to them. You cannot worry about how other people will perceive the reality that you no longer associate yourself with these people. There’s no need to go into great details about why you are no longer associating yourself with certain relatives and friends. One of the best explanations is it’s natural for people to grow apart from one another.

When every little aspect about a person begins to irk you, then you know it’s time for you to either take some time away from this person and/or resolve whether it’s time for you to sever your relationship with this person. Far too often, we delay the inevitable when we already know the relationship is really over.

Relatives and friends who disassociate themselves from one another don’t have to become enemies. You can still be peaceful to one another. You certainly shouldn’t just maintain a relationship with one another out of fear of personal information and secrets you know about one another. If those secrets and personal information come out, then just deal with this reality but don’t let fear of those things keep you in a miserable relationship.

Always give your relationships an opportunity to work, but do know when it’s time to end them or modify them. We are all human beings and we all do change. The changes that happen with us may cause us to no longer be connected with others anymore. Accept this natural development and do what is necessary to appropriately respond to this natural evolution.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Spring Clean Some Human Beings Right Out of Your Life

As I approach 30 years of life, it really just hit me: I’m responsible for how I continue to allow people to treat me. There comes a point when you have to get fed up with the things that people do to you. It’s only when you acknowledge that enough is enough that you will truly reclaim full dominion over your life. At the very minimum, you must demand people to treat you with basic respect. If people are not willing to treat you with respect, then take a stand against them. Cast those who are not willing to respect you out of your life. Do it right now! I had to come to the realization that if people are not going to do anything else they are going to respect me. I have recognized that I have the power to not allow disrespectful people to occupy space in my life. As long as you accept disrespectful people in your life, you need to own full responsibility for their treatment of you. It’s not their fault—it’s your fault. You keep allowing it so go ahead and own what you are doing to yourself.

Many of the people in our lives are disposable, but we keep them around like they are necessities. In essence, many people are optional but we let them stay around us like we don’t have a choice. When they keep mistreating and disrespecting you, look right in the mirror at the person who should be held completely responsible for this mistreatment and disrespect. You begin to press yourself smaller and smaller when you give people the constant authority to devalue you. Your mother and father did not conceive you to sit up there and let people persist to push you around and do you any way they want. You have the power right now to stop this from happening.

What’s really sad is many of us are not able to even understand when people are constantly disrespecting and mistreating us. We have allowed disrespect and mistreatment to become such the norm in our lives that we don’t see them as needing to be eradicated from our lives. Open your eyes and see what’s really going on around you. You deserve to be valued. The things that are important to you deserve to be respected.

I want you to think critically about the people in your life and give them a comprehensive evaluation. Are there any people who really do not value you as a person? Are there people who do not value your education, business, responsibilities, time, and/or etc.? Are there people who don’t show you appreciation for the things you do for them? Are there people who don’t evince their gratitude to you? If you have people like this in your life, then you need to dismiss them right now. It really is that simple when you truly love yourself.

Are you in a “serious” relationship with a person who only values you for the sexual intercourse? If so, eliminate this person from your life. Do you have “friends” who only come around you when they want something? Cast these people out of your life! Are there people in your life who only want to talk to you about themselves all the time and everything is always about them? Get rid of them right now.

We need to start appreciating and valuing ourselves more. Love yourself enough to get rid of the people in your life who are not good for you. The right time for some Spring cleaning is right now. Get busy!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Beware of the Snakes in the Grass

Beware of Snakes

Always be on the lookout for your enemies being close to you. Now, I am not saying that all of your friends, associates, and close friends are your enemies, but I am recommending that you be watchful of the people who you allow to enter into your circle of friends and associates. Although you may be the type of person who is so trusting of people, you have to keep a certain level of resistance to telling people everything. Of course, in a perfect world, you would like to think that you can tell people secrets and confidential things and not have those things told to others. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. In this less than perfect world, we have to be smart enough to know that everyone we talk to is not our friends, and everyone who we call a “friend” is not our real friends. Your “friends” can be some of the most jealous, envious, and uncaring people you will encounter in this human experience.

You have to be careful about how the people around you will use you for what they can get from you and then stab you in the back just as soon as they get a chance. In fact, people can be stabbing you in the back while you are helping them. It is so despicable that you can be making such a strong effort to really help people, but those same people can be working against you, talking about you behind your back, defaming your character, passing along private information you have provided them, and taking out of context some of the things you have told them. When people have placed great trust in you, you should at least have the decency to have some level of care for them that you would not attempt to do anything that would cause them harm or potentially cause them harm.

When you go and confront these close enemies, the first thing that they will do is deny anything that they have done. No matter how good you try to be to some people, some of them will still do things to try to hurt you. When you maintain a snake as a friend, you better expect that snake to raise its head and bite the dickens out of you. Ultimately, you have to rid yourself of snakes in the grass or else they will kill you. You don’t have to be uneasy around your friends and associates—just be smart about what you say to them and what you do around them. You should never tell anyone everything in the first place. What those snakes in the grass have to understand is you know significant information about them that you can also use to harm them too. When you use this information, don’t feel horrible about it—this is simply counterpunching! Never attack but don’t hesitate to counterpunch!

Even when you separate yourself from these snakes in the grass, you still have to watch out for the things that they may try to do to you. You have to be ready with a counter to what they may do and say. Snakes in the grass emerge from Satan’s influence. When you are dealing with snakes in the grass, please know that you are going to have to combat them more than just physically—you’re going to have to fight them spiritually too.

I would encourage people to not allow themselves to become snakes in the grass. You will find that you will be generating a self-inflicted wound that you will never be able to mend. Keep that in mind snakes in the grass and future snakes in the grass.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Hold Your Family and Friends Accountable

We have a responsibility to love and support our family and friends, but this does not mean that we should not hold them accountable for the things that they do and say. When your family members and friends tell you that they are going to do something for you, then you must hold them accountable to do whatever it is that they said they were going to do. If they do not do what they said that they were going to do, then it is okay for you to discontinue doing further things for them. You should not feel bad about not doing something for your family members and friends when they consistently and persistently don’t come through for you. When you make the decision to no longer help them until they help you, this does not prevent you from still loving and supporting them; in fact, you can love them even more.

Although I will not take much time to discuss it here, I encourage you to read about Abraham in the bible, a man who had to leave his family to do the will of God. It is my position that you have to stop being so giving to your family and friends when you never receive anything in return from them. Do you ever have family members and friends who only or mostly call you when they want something? Do you ever have family members and friends who want you to go out of the way for them, but never come through when you ask them for something? It’s time to stop doing stuff for them when this happens. You have to love yourself enough to start distancing yourself away from them—this will help them to understand how selfish they are being. While some people will not agree that this is a proper way of handling family and friends, I will just say that family and friends can be some of the greatest deadbeats sometimes.

Start showing your appreciation for your family members and friends who do things for you. When people devote their time, money, and/or assistance to you, you should let them know how you feel about them, you should do something special for them, and you should do something that they want you to do for them sometimes. When these people stop doing things for you, it’s going to make a significant difference in your lives. If my readers need the courage or some support in their efforts to hold their friends and family members accountable, just contact me and I will help you by giving you advice and support. I made a sincere commitment on yesterday to hold my friends and family members accountable, and I encourage you to do the same. I stand with you!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Passionately Advocate for Someone Besides Yourself

At some point, you should understand that it is important to be a passionate advocate for someone besides yourself. I have found that most of the people in my life only advocate for themselves, including family and friends—even those friends who claim to be so close to me! Most of the people in my life would not be where they are today without me—period! On the rare occasions I need something from the people in my life, I never receive close to the support I provide for them. Although I am a truly controversial figure, this does not mean that you should stray away from passionately advocating for me just to stay in good favor with people—just selfish!

The people in my life are going to have to understand that they are going to be in terrible shape if I decide to no longer help them and advocate for them. People always tell me how much they love me and how much they support me, but I have been shown time and time again that these are just lies. I have to say that Santresa Glass and Jesus have been the only constants in my life. I appreciate and love them both so dearly. I also appreciate my loyal readers—you bring much needed joy in my life.

For some of my family members and “close” friends, you are about to arrive at some serious moments and stages in your life. Now, I want you to imagine what will happen if I decide to no longer support you and be there for you.

I am truly frustrated with always helping people who always have their hands out, but never take an opportunity to do anything for me. I am trying to be nice about how I am handling this, but I am only human and I am headed toward just getting away from all the pretenders in my life—whether you are a family member or a friend.

If you really love and support me, you would be willing to sacrifice some things for me, including having to lose the favor of some of the people around you. When you think about it, I have lost the favor of many people by the things I have done to support you. I have given so much of myself to helping people, but rarely do I ever get any support and help in return. Just to be clear, I do not help people so that they can help me, but it would seem that when you are in a time of need that people would help you, especially when you have helped them for years.

My brighter days are in the near future, but I may not allow some of the dead weight to accompany me. I have a significant amount of evaluation to do in my life about the people in my life to determine if I’m going to let them continue to be a part of my life. Be sure to passionately advocate for someone in your life besides yourself! Do not provide people with fake advocacy. If you are not going to zealously advocate for them, then do not advocate for them at all.

Have a great remainder of your Sunday!

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison