Foolishness

Research Who You’re Dating Before You Commit

Although you don’t want to have a complete fear of commitment, many people need to have a little more caution about who they choose to date.  Many people are just too happy to be intimately involved with someone or to have the appearance being intimately involved with someone that they neglect to do some of the basic research that can be quite helpful in discovering that their “special” woman or man is really not just “special” to them but to others as well.  If you do some asking around about the person you’re involved with, you just may find some valid things about him or her that he or she has not shared with you.  You may even be surprised with what those who hang around you all of the time can reveal to you about who you’re dating.

You have to have a willingness to listen to what people around you may have to say about the person you’re dating.  Of course, there will be many people out there that will simply hate on the person you’re dating, but you can eliminate those folks by asking them to give you proof to verify what they’re saying.  People who really have some knowledge about the person you’re dating can provide you with some proof of what they’re claiming.

In no way does this piece assert that you should become a private investigator or hire one to investigate the person you’re involved with.  This piece does, however, contend that you should ask that person serious questions and ask questions about the person to people who knew him or her before you did.  You just may be amazed at what you find out!

You can make yourself look like a fool when you go around acting and talking like you have the most special person in the world when that’s the same person who has slept with nearly everyone in town, or has slept with whorish people you know you don’t want to come behind.  You don’t have to turn into an interrogator, but it certainly is a wise decision to asking some probing questions before you truly commit yourself to a person.  A person who is truly committed to you will not mind you asking questions about their past and what he or she is doing right now.

If you discover that the person you’re dating has slept with one of your friends, do you really want to continue to be with that person?

Of course, everyone has a past and if you find out aspects about someone’s past that you don’t like, then that’s up to you how you judge that person for what he or she has done in the past.  For example, if you discover that the person you are dating has been really whorish in the past, you may resolve that this is not the person you want to stay committed to or desire to build anything further.  However, if you learn that someone has slept with your friend or associate since you’ve been together, then you need to reassess whether or not you should be with that person, especially if you’ve asked the person you’re dating if he or she has slept with that person before and the response was no.

Again, don’t go to extremes in your attempts to learn more about the person you’re dating, but do some basic research about your mate.  Start with basic questioning.  If you don’t have open and frank communication with your mate, then the relationship is going to end inevitably anyway.

Before you present the person you’re dating to the public as being so “special,” make sure he or she is not also someone else’s intimately “special” person too.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Fool No More

There comes a time when you have to show people how important you are to them.  Many people will try to take advantage of you and you need to respond to those people by having some fun at their expense.  The one thing you can do to have some fun at their expense is to take everything away from them that you give to them.  If it is possible, you can simply remove yourself from them by not communicating with them and keeping your distance from them.  While they may attempt to act like your failure to communicate with them and hang around them has no impact, their internal truths unveil to them that your presence in their lives is truly vital.

Why should you have some fun at the expense of people who fail to appreciate you for what you truly mean in their lives?  Well, at some point, you have to stop being people’s play toy and begin to show folks that you have backbone.  If you do choose to do something for them while you are toying with them, require them to do things in exchange for what they want from you that you know they really do not want to do.  While they may not do what you ask them to do, you can simply enjoy the experience of them acting like they do not need you when they decline to do what you ask them to do, or you can simply sit back and gain great satisfaction in watching them do the things you know they do not want to do.  Is this really being cruel to these individuals?  Not at all!  They were not concerned with how they were treating you, so do not waste a whole lot of time thinking about what your fun at their expense is doing to them.  You have spent enough time worrying about them.  Take the time, energy, and resources you invest in them and devote them more to yourself and deserving people.

Now, if you have family and friends who have been underappreciating you, then you cannot simply let them continue to do this.  You have to make up in your mind that enough is enough!  Don’t let even the closest family member and friend take advantage of you any longer.  When close family and friends are trying to take advantage of you, you need to reconsider just how close you need to remain to them.  It’s okay to distance yourself completely from close family members and friends.  Let them feel what life is like without you.  They may just learn how to show you they appreciate you.

Before you begin to communicate and/or hang around these people again, make sure they have conspicuously evinced that they learned what it means to appreciate you.  For those people who want to keep acting like they don’t need you in their lives, then let them continue to suffer without you being in their lives.  Continue to enjoy watching them try to scramble to make things work for themselves when they know life is so much more difficult without what you have so generously provided and provide for them.

While it may be an ugly truth you don’t want to face, you must face it: refuse to continue to be people’s fool.  Turn the people who have tried to make you a fool into the true fools. Refuse to be used! Refuse to lose!  You cannot win in life when you keep letting everyone leech off of you and take advantage of you.  There’s a clear difference between being nice and being stupid.  Learn the difference and put your learning into practice.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison