Conflict Resolution

Own Your Frustrations

Don’t take your frustrations out on others.  If there are specific people causing you to be frustrated, then direct your anger toward those individuals—not everyone else.  You have to learn how to take control of your emotions.  Your emotions are your emotions.  Don’t force everyone around you to have to deal with your problems.  When you’re having an unpleasant day, you shouldn’t try to make everybody else have an unpleasant day.  We can learn a significant amount about ourselves when we begin to think critically about how we handle being frustrated.  Just because you’re frustrated doesn’t give you valid justification to make drastic decisions.  When many people get frustrated, they start to acting like it’s the end of the world.

You have to understand that things are not going to go well for you every day.  If you’re an adult and claim to be mature, then you shouldn’t have to be told that everything is not always going to go well for you.

It’s okay to be frustrated from time to time—being frustrated is a normal part of the human experience.  You shouldn’t be frustrated all of the time, however.  If you’re frustrated all of the time, then you need to seek professional mental health treatment.  People should not shy away from getting mental health treatment.  One of the fundamental purposes of mental health treatment is to empower you with the ability to be in more control of yourself.

Don’t allow a frustrating day to become a serious crisis.  You have to understand that some things will happen and you will need to move on from those things.  Sitting around having a pity party is not going to change anything about your frustrations—it will only make things worse.  It’s very unattractive for you to resort to the most extreme measures when you’re going through frustrating moments.  People will begin to think that it’s best for them to not be around you.  You don’t want people to isolate themselves from you simply because you fly off the handle every time you’re frustrated.

Learn how to handle your problems responsibly.  If you need assistance with conflict resolution, please seek professional assistance.  You may even find it useful to speak with mature and successful people around you who can give you counseling about how to better deal with conflicts in your life.  If you’re always overreacting to problems you have in your life, then there’s something truly wrong with you mentally.  It’s okay to admit that you have mental problems.  By admitting that you have mental problems, you can get the help you need to address those problems.

Again, we all have been frustrated before.  Of course, we all would love to never experience frustration.  However, we know that we can never eliminate experiencing frustration.  How we respond to frustration is much more important than being frustrated.  Acting responsibly and maturely when you’re frustrated can help you to develop into a better person and allow you to discover things about yourself you didn’t even know.

Make every effort to stay in control of your emotions. Stop overacting.  Live responsibly.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Is It Useful to Get Revenge?

Before you begin to think critically about the question the title poses, let’s suspend our religious beliefs and values for this particular discourse.  Of course, the bible informs us to let God fight our battles.  However, let’s remove ourselves from the teachings of the bible for at least this discourse to explore whether getting revenge is useful.  Even if you have difficulty with temporarily suspending your religious beliefs and values to enter this discourse, you may find that you would arrive at how you feel about revenge without the teachings you have received in your religious sects.  It can be quite beneficial to explore whether or not we gain any true benefits from seeking revenge on those who have wronged us.

Although some may see it as childish for adults to seek revenge, it’s vital to consider that many wars throughout history have been fought to obtain revenge.  Therefore, unless you’re prepared to offer a serious argument for why many wars that have been fought throughout history have been childish, then don’t just call an adult childish for desiring to seek revenge.  While we have to brush many things off of our shoulders in life, considering we cannot fight every battle, there are times when we need to make people pay for the terrible things they’ve done to us.

If someone just walks up and slaps you in the face, do you let him or her get away with this?  If you catch someone in the act of destroying your property, do you simply let him or her get away with this?

Are there times when seeking revenge is justified?

You cannot allow people to do everything to you and not make them suffer some consequences.  While you may have been taught to be the better person and not to try to seek revenge on another person, this teaching can cause you to get trampled on by many people.  If people are out there attacking you, then you need to defend yourself against their attacks.  At some point, you have to respond to serious attacks.  Don’t think constant attacks will not have their impact on you—they will.

When you’re engaged in a battle with someone, use all legal things at your disposal to defeat him or her.  Never come away from a battle talking about what you could have done to win that battle—do it while you’re in the battle.  Don’t feel sorry for those who are out there trying to destroy you.  Do you think they are concerned about you?  Why be concerned about them?

There may come a time when you have to get revenge on a family member or close friend.  You have to be willing to make a family member or close friend who has intentionally sought to harm you pay for intentional wrongs.  Don’t concern yourself with taking it easy on a family member or close friend who has not demonstrated a true concern for you through their words and/or actions.  Would a true close friend or family member intentionally and maliciously attempt to hurt you?  If the answer is yes, then you have to be willing to show him or her that you’re not going to sit around and allow him or her to destroy you.  Fight back!

Some people think everything is okay when they are doing the attacking, but they really think you have done them viciously wrong when you strike back at them.  When some people are out there doing and saying horrible things about you, they need to think more deeply about what power, talents, influence, and etc. you possess before they intentionally do and say things to hurt you.

If you feel the need to get revenge on someone, don’t let anyone deter you—go for it!

Do you think it’s useful to get revenge on someone who has wronged you?

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Exercising Patience

Although many situations require us to act and/or think immediately and decisively, there comes a point when we have to be patient. We may not be patient people but some situations mandate that we be patient. I have to admit that I’m not a patient person. I do, however, understand that being successful and remaining successful entails being patient sometimes. I’ve been dealing with some problems for the last two years that I wanted to act immediately and decisively on, but I found that acting immediately and decisively on those problems would not be in my best interest. Yes, I could have solved those problems immediately but I would have missed out on what time has placed in my favor to address those problems with even more auspicious results for me. It’s almost time for me reap the benefits of exercising patience with several serious problems that I’ve let time work in my complete favor. Again, I’m a tremendously impatient person and a person who loves to respond immediately to problems, but I have learned that allowing time to benefit you on some problems will help you to address them in their totality and not just the surface level issues of the problems.

I understand that it can be hard to not immediately respond to a problem that emerges from someone doing something wrong to you. I am a person who has to work hard to try to calm myself down because I don’t mind popping you in your mouth in a heartbeat when you do something wrong to me. Over the past two years, God has been really good to some folks because they were supposed to be…(the Holy Spirit just interceded, so I cannot finish this sentence). Lol! When people do things wrong to you, I have learned that you cannot try to respond to them all immediately all the time. You will find yourself fighting daily battles and never having an opportunity to work on advancing yourself if you attempt to respond to all things people do to you all the time.

I’ve also learned to be more patient in my personal and business relationships. I’m so aggressive that I don’t really want to wait on anything. I’ll see something or someone that I want in a personal and business relationship and I’ll just immediately try to seize the thing or person. This is not a wise thing to do, however. Everything is not made to be seized immediately. You can actually disrupt the natural connection that you have to things and people when you rush your relation to those things and people. When you are as aggressive as I am, it’s vital for you to take a step back and think about how your aggressiveness might be perceived as a tremendously negative thing in a personal and business relationship. You don’t have to change who you are but you can consider how you might better position your natural aggressiveness to benefit you the most. You can allow your aggressiveness to manifest itself in other ways than just immediate reactions.

When you make a conscious effort to be more patient, you can learn serious truths about yourself. You might learn that the things or people you desired are not really what you need or want or what you need or want immediately. When you are not willing to exercise patience sometimes, you could prevent yourself from benefitting from the critical thinking you need. The lack of patience can really lead us to some ignorant decisions.

Of course, it’s essential to act immediately and decisively in many situations, but your dominant approach should not be to act immediately and decisively all the time. When you are always ready to make decisions immediately and decisively, people can begin to start to anticipate you; you become predictable. You need to have some level of unpredictability in your personal and business relationships.

Exercising patience is not being weak—it can often reveal your true strength.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison