When you have shared a special intimate relationship with someone, don’t just stop communicating with him or her. An abrupt termination of communication with someone you have been intimate with for a significant period of time can leave him or her feeling more than heartbroken but also confused. The person will be confused because he or she does not have any idea why things were so good when between you and then you just all of sudden stopped communicating with the person. If you no longer want to be intimate with the person and/or don’t see the relationship as special any longer, then let the person know—don’t just have him or her wondering what’s going on with the relationship.
Open and frank communication is key to addressing most (if not all) relationship problems. Have the courage to communicate with the person you have shared an intimate and special relationship with to inform him or her about your feelings. Don’t simply say that “you’ve been so busy” as the reason why you’ve not communicated with him or her. If you have the person’s telephone number and/or connected with the person via various social media platforms, it would not take you but a few minutes to communicate with him or her. Without any communication, you run the risk of making the person think what you shared with him or her was not real. The person can be justified in this line of thinking when all communication from you has ceased.
If the person contacts you through any vehicle, don’t simply ignore his or her effort to reach out to you—respond back to him or her. Why would you simply ignore a call, email, text message, and etc. from someone you have shared an intimate and special relationship with? You owe the person an explanation for not communicating with him or her. The reason you have discontinued communicating with the person may be legitimate. You, however, have a responsibility to inform the person about your reason(s) for no longer communicating with him or her is legitimate.
While you may not be making a conscious choice not to communicate with this person, you never know what he or she is thinking. The person can mistake the absence of communication as sign of betrayal and/or that you simply used him or her. This can be far from the truth but you have to bear the responsibility. You didn’t communicate and this opened up an opportunity for the person to develop inaccurate thoughts.
Whenever sex has been involved in a relationship, it is wise for you to have the decency to at least end the relationship with some form of communication. Hopefully, you’re going to give the person enough details to understand why you’re deciding to end a relationship he or she thought was just fine. Let the person know the significant factors that led to your decision. You might be surprised how well he or she takes your comments and might understand your comments better than you think.
Don’t simply resolve not to say anything to a person you’ve shared a special and intimate relationship with—communicate with him or her. If the intimate relationship you had with the person was truly special and you communicated in the past that it was indeed special, then you have a duty to communicate with the person today. Give people the closure they need today!
Antonio Maurice Daniels
University of Wisconsin-Madison