Men Get Raped Too

Grown men get raped too. For many people, they cannot even fathom the thought that it’s possible for a man to get raped. Some people think that if a man gets raped that he needed to get raped because he should have been man enough to prevent it. Of course, a man getting raped by another man or by a woman happens much less than a woman gets raped by a man. We still, however, need to engage in serious discourses about men who are raped. One of the dominant reasons why men who are raped is largely underreported to the authorities is shame. The shame that male victims of rape experience may be greater than the shame women face. When one thinks about the hypermasculine expectations that American society places on men, especially men in the African-American and Latino communities, the thought of a man who “lets himself get raped” is unacceptable. Men who are truly raped are not letting themselves get rapped—they are being victimized in the same ways as women who are raped.

We must create spaces where men who are victimized by rape can speak and where they can find support and refuge. Those of us who are committed to truth and justice need to include male victims of rape in the work that we do. There’s a true need to find real and innovative ways to counter the shame that men face when they are raped. Shame is keeping many men from coming forth or causing them not to immediately report the vicious sexual attacks on their body.

It’s important to give people some examples of how a grown man can be raped because many people don’t believe it’s possible. A grown man can be raped by a group of bi-sexual or down- low men who outnumber a man who is alone. You have to understand that sometimes a group of men will want to have sex with a man so bad that they will set him up to be sexually gang-banged. Moreover, a woman can use a date rape drug to rape a man. The date rape drug can render him powerless to her desire to rape him. Many men are too hypermasculine to see this as rape because they will see that he’s a man and he’s receiving something “good” out of the encounter. It’s rape! A gay man can overpower another gay man and rape him. It happens!

Just because you have never heard about a man getting raped does not mean that it has not and does not occur.

Rape is one of the most violent acts that can be inflicted on a person. Women are, of course, most often impacted by rape. We have to, however, become more sophisticated about the ways in which we discuss rape because men are not included in our popular discourses on rape. Since men are mainly the rapists, their relationship to rape is primarily as victimizers. There has to be an understanding that they are victims too when discussing rape. In no way am I trying to diminish the focus on the impact that rape has on women, but I want us to realize that men are being victimized by rape too.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

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15 comments

  1. Tell them to watch our God, Oprah’s special on this. It was very interesting. It’s good to have discussion around this subject because most of the time we don’t.

    I know my mom used to encourage discussion with me especially because as a child I was very active and traveled alot. I was in alot of activities, so she always made it her point to ask me quesitons. I never realized what she was doing until I got older. Even as a grown man I feel like I can come to her about anything sexual that has happened to me.

    1. Yes, Oprah has a very good special that pertains to this issue. It’s very important for us all to have people to talk to about anything that has happened to us. Many people, including men, are carrying around the emotional and physical pain and burden of sexual assault and feel like they don’t have anyone to talk to about their pain and burden. More discourse about this issue and issues surrounding it needs to happen. Men need to feel more comfortable talking about being victimized by sexual assault. Thanks so much for your response, Drew!

  2. Make rape needs to be discussed at large and needs to be revealed as a non-joking issue for society. Its a joke to people, think of the prison and Deliverance jokes that serve to belittle the issue. If I went up to a bunch of guys right now and told them some dude got raped there wouldn’t be much concern, it’s sad but at the root of it is the thought that a man would not “allow” it to happen. The fughoudahere with that opinion, right here in my city there was a dude going around raping men and women at gunpoint- yes you and your girl was at his mercy – it was some Mad Max type of savagery and as men we just don’t recover from it.

    Rape in general pisses me off, it’s a sociopathic act of violence that borders on being subhuman. One of my buddies at 12 years old was being raped by his dad, it messed him up for life, he’s in prison now. Men who are raped cannot talk about it to a society that still finds it funny, they can’t, there is no sympathy and help there. Do you know what men say when they find out some other guy got raped? “Man I woulda killed that dude”, that’s the sentiment, with no care for the details.

    It’s a sad issue and I applaud you for writing about it. I need to do one myself and list off some of the movies which really drive home the savagery and shame of it so that the more cynical guys who think it can’t happen to them can get a clue.

      1. I got raped when I was 12 it changed me even though I love sex with women I still think and need a man or t-girl for sex. When it happened to me I had an orgasim that felt good and ever since then They continued to rape me from time to time and I liked it more and more

        1. No one should be raping a 12 year old, even when the 12 year old feels like he or she likes it. At 12 years of age, we don’t really know what it is that we really like, so that could just be your age that could have caused you to think that you liked it. You were victimized by someone who needs to be in jail for rape. Thanks for reading and your response.

      2. I know at that age, 11-12, any sexual touch feels pleasing to the body, whether we want it to or not…. I was “TOUCHED” for years, and I had to love this person, so when I would act out against them, my entire family would blame me to the point where I just became an outcast….. growing up, people associated me with being a gay teen, mostly my older sister… and that just pushed me further and further away from the people whom I was suppose to love and trust…. I did finally meet a friend, who I’ve told everything to, except who the specific person was, and he’s been the brother I’ve wanted my entire life…. That finally gave me to confidence to do some exploring, and I did… I even played for the other team for a few years, then I was in fact raped, at age 21, by a dude I was seeing…. I initially thought it was an isolated incident, until it happened again at age 25, and again at 30, almost 2 times that year, but thank God my coworkers came looking for me, when they noticed I was away too long…. I never got involved with guys again, sexually, after that….

        Nowadays, my family have been doing some investigating, and I’m their top project… They’ve learned to be more careful with their questions, in fear that they could push me further away…. they want to know why I didn’t shed a tear at “THAT RELATIVE’S” funeral, why am I never in romantic relationships, and why do I keep secluding myself further away from them….. I make up excuses, I make jokes, to dance around the questions, and just never give them the answers…

        I feel I don’t need to, because when that relative died, so did all the hate, bad emotions, the same, the guilt…. I felt free from them….. With the other incidents, It’s not as emotional… I don’t have nightmares, but I’m cautious who befriend’s me… I’m not homophobic, but I push my friends away, when they give me hugs…. smfh…..

  3. I always joke about an incident where I was almost raped by a woman on a drunken night but this is real what you are writing here. I remember an episode of Law and Order that talked about how male rape wasnt talked about as much because of the idea of a man being raped by a man or woman outside of prison was preposterous

  4. Of course men get raped, more than anyone realizes because they hardly ever report it. I’m sick of society denying this fact, and making light about grown male victims. Whenever you hear discussion about rape, they always paint the agressor as male, and the victim as female. This isn’t always so, and everyone deserves to be protected no matter their gender or race. Rape is hardly ever about sex, it’s about power and dominance over someone. If a person just wanted to have sex, they would make the effort to find another consenting adult, not force themselves on a woman or man, or worst of all a helpless child. Rape is a horrifying criminal act that causes severe harm to the victim, both mentally and physically. Rapists are monsters and should be locked away for the rest of their miserable lives. I’ve been lucky to not have any personal experience with rape, but I know 2 rape victims, and they are BOTH MALE! The trauma they experience is the same as women who are raped. They shy away from people, they become secluded and don’t like going out the way they used to. One of the victims I know was only 17, and he was violently beaten and raped by a man who pulled him into an ally at night who was much larger and stronger than him. It’s not fair that male victims get ignored just because they’re male. This “man up” attitude society forces on men needs to stop. Men, like women, are only human. We all have emotions, and we all would feel horrible if someone violated our bodies. Victims of rape, whether they are male or female, should never have to feel ashamed for what some violent sub-human did to them.

  5. Hi my name if Bro. John. I can not tell you how I .got to this site. But I beli eve God led me here. The issue about male rape needs to be exposed and brought into the light. It hurts me to know their are men out their who are hurting becasue they don’t know who to go to for support them as they process the event that had taken place.
    I know first hand what it feels like to have someone force you to have sex with them when you have no desire to have sex with them. Oh man it was … If it had not been by the grace of God I would not be where I am today.

    I pray that any brother who is in this type of pain to never be ashamed. Do not allow this pain to define who you are. Don’t believe the lies the ememy is hopeing he can plant in your mind. Its a false prison thats attacking your mind. If you can remember and keep this thought in your mind. To destroy the power of this type of evil is the llight you shine on it. You will be able to shine your light on it by giving your pain to JESUS and allow him to confort you and ask him to take all the shame away and restore you to wholeness. And when he does what you requested you are ready to step out of that prison of your mind you will be able to openly tell your story of delieverance from this type of stronghold the enemy helped create in you.

    I tell you it was the greated release for me when I share my story with other men so they would be empowerd and walk toward their victory. I am a firm believer of Luke 22:32 where we are commanded “When you have been strengthend, strengthen your brother” Its not time to be silent anymore. Visit http://www.jbedify.com and see how I used my pain to help somone else.

    1. Amen! Very powerful words. I hope that what you shared will be an inspiration and help to those men who have been raped. I very much appreciate you for reading and sharing your story and comments. God bless you!

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