Text messaging

End One-Way Street Relationships

I hate to be the one to tell you but you’re not going to be able to fool people forever. A person does not have to be the most intellectually sophisticated individual to recognize a pattern of being used by you. People will eventually recognize when you only communicate with them when you want something from them. Folks will start to notice that you only respond back to their text messages, Facebook messages, tweets, emails, and phone calls when you want something. In due time, people will see that you make everything about yourself. Many people who like to try to get over on people will only be upbeat around them when they are planning to ask them to do something for them.

It’s amazing how people will become your best friend when they want you to give them money and/or sex. It’s just a harsh reality that some people will be in your life just for what they can get out of you and from you. Now, I’ve written about these people who try to use you in Don’t Be A Leech!, and told you that you have to get rid of people who don’t value you in Spring Clean, but we need to explore why we continue to maintain relationships with people who just use us.

What is it about us that allows us to maintain relationships with people who use us? For the purposes of this article, when I refer to the word “relationships,” I mean relationships of all types, including friendships, marriages, intimate relationships, family relationships, business relationships, and etc. One of the dominant reasons why many of us, in my opinion, continue to maintain relationships with people who just use us is we are just selfless. This selflessness, however, can lead us to blindness for a certain period of time. The blindness that we experience for a certain period of time can cause us to intentionally or unintentionally overlook deliberate attempts by people to use us.

There’s a clear difference between people receiving from you because they are in need of your help, but that’s completely different from people who just are taking advantage of your selflessness and willingness to help them because they know the vulnerabilities of your selflessness.

When you are selflessly giving to people, make sure that you get something in return from them—that something can be as simple as a “thank you” or acts and/or words that evince gratitude.

Lately, I’ve witnessed how I will do substantial things for people and will not even receive any responses from them, not even responses that tell me “thank you” or that they received what I sent them. Some people seem to think that it’s my job to help them, and when I try to see if they received what I’ve sent them, I will not even get a reply from them via text message, email and/or telephone. Now, I want you to bear in mind that many of the substantial things that I have done for them involved me staying up all night to complete. I very much appreciate these people for giving me an education that I could have never obtained through my undergraduate and graduate training.

What I’ve learned is that you cannot allow yourself to become a blind giver. You have to be a wise giver. When you allow yourself to become a reckless giver, you open yourself to allowing others to exploit you. I’ve learned from those who have used me that you have to do a simple evaluation of everyone who you help. If these people are not giving you at least a sincere “thank you” in return for what you do for them, then please disassociate yourself from them. You don’t have to have a major altercation with them. All you need to do is don’t answer their phone calls, text messages, emails, and etc.—much in the same way that they have done to you for certain periods of time until they needed something else from you.

Don’t you just love when people try to act like they didn’t get your text message, Facebook message, direct message on Twitter, phone call, and/or email, but you see that they have tweeted several times since you contacted them and/or have updated their Facebook status after you have contacted them?

I urge you to discontinue relationships with people where they are just using you. These types of relationships simply bring you down inevitably. Don’t let your great selflessness turn into unintentional or intentional blindness. When people fail to demonstrate how appreciative they are of you when you clearly deserve appreciation, then remove these people from your life. At the end of the day, you cannot let your selflessness turn into stupidity.

For those readers who know me and you think this article is addressing you, it probably is. If I don’t tell you first, just ask me and I will let you know. I don’t do third person—never have and never will. When have you known me to hold back anything that I have to say to you and/or about you? Exactly!

Love responsibly. Give responsibly. Help responsibly. Be responsible.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Dude, Where’s Your Email and Text Messaging Manners?

Black Man on Computer

If someone sends you a text message, always send a reply message back to let the person know you have received it. Even if the sender is not asking you a question, good manners should tell you to let the person know you got it. Don’t just sit up there like a knot on a log, or just say, “Oh, this person cannot benefit me at the moment so I’m not going to respond.” Everything is not all about you and you should not strive to be the center of attention all of the time. Just because email and text messaging are modern/postmodern forms of communication, they should be treated with the same courtesy we treat all other forms of communication that have existed since Adam and Eve messed around with that forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. It is highly arrogant to intentionally ignore someone’s email or text message, especially if the email or text message is not coming from someone who is trying to do you harm.

People need to start thinking about being more courteous to one another. It seems like it is too old-fashioned to talk about good manners anymore, but here at Revolutionary Paideia there is no shame in talking about good manners. Revolutionary Paideia will hold people accountable for maintaining and exercising good manners.

In some of these emails and text messages that you send out to people, you should not think that putting “LOL” at the end of a message is going to make your vicious and rude comment any better—it’s still a vicious and rude comment. “LOL” also does not effectively disguise vicious personal attacks on people in an email and text message—vicious personal attacks will always be vicious personal attacks. People think that they can send you an email or text message that attacks you and it not be considered a threat—it’s still a threat!

We need to start treating one another better, and we can start to treat one another better through how we communicate through email and text messaging. Don’t let the medium through which you communicate become a barrier or excuse for you to exercise good manners. When you do not exercise good manners through email and text messaging, you never know what negative consequences you may be bringing on yourself.

Antonio Maurice Daniels

University of Wisconsin-Madison